Homophone jokes
What type of teacher doesn't fart in public?
A private tutor/tooter.
Confucius say:
"Man with hole in pocket feel cocky all day."
Two needles go to the river. One of them says, "I'm sorry!"
What is a panda's favorite cooking implement?
A pan-duh.
What unit of measurement is used on farms? Barn yards.
What's a chair's favorite snack?
Chair-ies or Cherries if that's how you wanna spell it .3.
1 + 1 = window.
Why was the dog stealing shingles?
He wanted to be a woofer.
My mom said that I don't listen to homophones, but then I said, "No, I listen to headphones."
What do you call a dead fly? -- A flew.
What do you get when you add one whole and one whole?
Two holes, dummy!
kapteyn = captain
What do you call cheese that is not your cheese?
Not yo cheese!
What does a cannibal call people in water?
Sea food.
16 is a knight? Mail.
Hi, I'm Depraashin.
Hi, I'm rope. May I hang with you guys?
What do you call an hourglass with no sand in it?
A waist of time.
"Butter, butter, and butter, please, please bring me butter."
What do you call a series of ascending steps with eyes that follow you intently?
A starecase.
With the sentence "Die in hell," you can buy shoes in Germany.