Home jokes
Why don't orphans play baseball?
Because they don't know where home is.
I saw my midget neighbor at a bus stop.
"Jump in, I'll give you a lift home," I said.
"Bugger off!" he shouted back.
"What an ungrateful little man," I thought as I zipped up my backpack and continued my walk.
I fell in love with my teacher.
Which is weird because I am home schooled.
A toddler was giving her daddy a tea party.
She brought him a little cup of "tea" which was just water, of course. After several cups of tea, her Mom came home. Dad made her wait in the living room to watch his little Princess bring him a cup of tea, because it was, "Just the cutest thing!" Mom waited, and sure enough, here she come down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy. She watches him drink it up and then says, "You know the only place she can reach water, is the toilet!"
Don't see why people say that babysitting a toddler is hard. You just grease the bathtub, put them inside with some food and drink, and go do your business. I guarantee you that they will still be there when you return.
If you stay in the house, you might need to use sound cancelling headphones too, though.
I was at school one day, and my teacher gave me homework. Once I got home, I did not do my homework, but I watched TV. After the movie, I finally went to go do my homework. I was almost done with my homework when I got to the last question. I didn't know the answer, so I asked the closest living being to me, which was my dog, and I asked him: what's two minus two? He said nothing.
Me: I just came home from Africa, and guess what I saw.
Friend: I don't know.
Me: A black market.
What did the creep do when the woman said, āMake yourself at home?ā
He hid in her attic.
Why can't orphans go to a friend's house?
Because they can't make themselves at home.
Why can't Orphans play baseball?
They can't find home.
Girl: Wanna come over to my house?
Orphan: I have to ask if my parents come home.
Why do Orphans like school?
Because they don't have a home to go back to afterwards.
Why did the panda cross the road to get to the bamboo house?
So I went to my friend's house and he told me to make myself at home, so I kicked him out. I don't like visitors.
Whatās one thing orphans donāt have on their computer? A home page.
"Go big or go home," thatās what some people say.
"Go loud and proud," thatās what other people say.
"Go out with a big, loud bang!" thatās what I say.
A young teen was walking home from school and having a nice day.
She gets home, eats, showers, and heads to her room. The young teen hears her mother say something. Not sure what she said, the girl replies with "ok."
The young teen was gonna head to bed, wondering when her mom was gonna come in and say goodnight. She lays in bed, but then she hears her mom's voice say, "Hunny, I'm home." She doesn't bother to say ok.
Later, when she decides to sleep, she gets a message from her mom saying to unlock the door, that she lost her keys. :)
A cartoonist was found dead in his home.
The details are SKETCHY! :)
A little girl was sitting with some other kids. She thought to herself, "I want to have kids when I'm older, at least theyāll have a home, parents, and hopefully a dad that actually came back with the milk!" š¤£š
A man goes to a doctor and says he's having problems shitting, so the doctor gives him an enema and says he needs to do it a few times at home, but does the first one for him. So the guy bends over the table, lubes him up, and shoves it deep in him, and he yells.
So later, the man goes home and tells his wife he needs her help with the enema. So he bends over, she lubes him up, puts a hand on his shoulder, and she shoves it up there, and he starts screaming and cussing, and the wife asks, "Did I hurt you?" He said, "No, I just realized when the doctor did it, he had both hands on my shoulders."