Holiday

Holiday Jokes

Orphan

What is an orphan's least favorite holiday?

Christmas, they wish they'd get parents.

Place

I still don't know what's the worst, most dangerous place to take your children on holiday, but, for certain, it's either Vatican City or Neverland Ranch.

Christmas

If I'm still single by Christmas, Santa won't be the only one jumping off a roof.

Mistletoe

"I wish I was either Christmas lights or a mistletoe."

"Why?"

"Because I want to hang!"

Turkey

What did the Turkey say to the other Turkey?

"They forgot the stuffing!"

Orphan

Why does an orphan's year only have 363 days? Because it's missing Mother's and Father's Day.

Hospital

Why can’t mental hospitals have Halloween?

Because the patients thought the pumpkins were them. I tried.

Jingle Bells

I replaced "Jingle Bells" with "Jiggle Balls"... "Jiggle balls, jiggle balls, jiggle all the way! Oh what fun it is to ride on jiggly balls today!"

Depression

Q: Why was the depressed kid sad on Christmas?

A: They weren't hanging like the ornaments on a tree.

Woman

What did the woman with no hands get for Christmas? No idea. She hasn't opened her present yet.

Orphan

Why do orphans only have 363 days in a year?

Because they don't have Mother's and Father's day.

Orphan

Orphans have 363 days on a calendar because they don't have Mothers' or Fathers' Day.

Mama

Yo mama so old.

Her first Christmas... was the first Christmas!