Newest History Jokes - Page 12

America has white people that are terrorists and racists. They love to blame people from different countries for what they have done.

White person: We are not terrorists. Why would ever do that in our history? The rest of the people: *looks at them stupid* Yall were the first mother fuckers to be a terrorist first and then wanting to blame others for your action.

1 person: You still carrying that confederate flag. It means hatred and still trying to fight to bring back slaves again. Yall say it's heritage and not hate but clearly still a fucking loser and your flag has an X means wrong. So... Still a loser. People can't be racist to a racist. It just doesn't make sense. Im not saying all white people are racist but I am talking about the ones who voted for trump and be blind as hell. FUCK DONALD TRUMP AND THE RACIST PEOPLE>

A young boy was talking to his friend about his family: " My great-grandfather fought against Napoleon, my grandfather fought against the English, my father fought against the Americans and my uncle against the Argentinians." The friend replied: " It seems that your family can't get along with anybody!" GPerri Milano

It is reported that when Churchill met Stalin at Yalta they discussed about their hobbies. Churchill said : " I collect the jokes people tell me about me". "That's a coincidence- said Stalin,- I collect the people who tell jokes about me."

So yall remember Hitler right? Ok so I own a gun with Nazi rounds, I shot a guy who was entering my home who wasnt invited, he said "did you shoot me with Nazi rounds?" Then I said "do you mean nein millimeter?"

Teacher: Tell me about the history of Tsar Nicholas (blah blah blah) Student: How should I know, that's his story 🤷‍♀️

I went to a museum and saw clocks. The owner told me these were lying clocks. This is God's clock. It never moved because he never lied. This is your clock. It move 3 times because you lied 3 times i asked where is President trumps clock. he said it was at the equator. Spinning super fast for those who were on fire. I laughed so hard because it was so true

*I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast any time" so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.― Steven Wright

Alfred the Great was arguably the greatest king in England’s history.

The worst? Richard the Goat Fucker.

In History class, the teacher taught a lesson about serial killer Albert Fish. Back in the early 20th century, Fish reportedly kidnapped, ate, and raped over 100 kids. He mainly chose victims who were either retarded or black. Further on the lesson, the teacher explained how in those days, black people were socially not equal with white people, and how people with mental illness were not accepted and treated properly due to a lack of knowledge of mental health.

One of the students raised their hand and said, “You ought to be arrested”. The teacher confusedly asked, “Why?”. The student explained, “Because you’re thinking like Albert Fish”.

What do you get when you mix Harry Houdini, a basketball and the 17th president?

Magic Johnson.

My granddad died in Ausschwitz in ww2........... He fell from a tower

whats a snakes favourite subject?

well there are 2, hisss-tory but some prefer maths, those weirdos are adders

Why did hitler lose the war ?

Because göring ate every last airplanes , tanks , artilleries , ships and ammunitions

I was in social studies class and I was taking an exam and I couldn’t Remember a lot of the information and everyone looked up shocked. A white kid holding a gun said “your about to become history”. I almost forgot that we weren’t supposed to have any lessons that day.

JFK was one of the most open-minded presidents. It really blows my mind how great he was.

Chesley, in horror, runs out of the cockpit of the plane coming from London, "I'm so very sorry everyone, I punch the wrong buttons and we are heading to DC instead of New York and we are about to run out of fuel. He opens the door and turns around to the five passengers and exclaimed, "I've parachutes but miscounted. We only got four for the passengers." He jumps off.

Donald faced the other four and orders:

"I'm the greatest leader of the world and I'll make the decision. Tony you go first, our country needs you. The whole wide world needs you. Pandemic is raging." Tony jumps off.

Francis,my friend, you go next, pandemic is ravaging the mind and body of millions. Their soul needs saving. Save Vladimir's and Xi's for me." Francis jumps off.

Hillary faced faced Donald furiously. "Who are you to make decisions for us? I should have been president. I'm the smartest woman in the whole world in history." Hillary jumps off.

Donald gazed at the young woman and started talking: "I'm an old man. I have already lived a full life - beautiful wives, children just a beautiful life. Just beautiful. I've become president of the most powerful country, the most beautiful, the richest. Regrets? I've made a few but did it my way. Greta, go on. Your future is bright. I just wish I can make my country great again and have the chance to help save the world with you. I believe in second chances. Look at my bankruptcies, believe me. And I wish I've played more golf and ......"

Greta interrjected, "Just shut the f* up. The plane is about to crash. Let's go and save the world. The smartest woman in history took my backpack!"