HI jokes

You'd think with Jason being a pastor's kid, his parents would have gotten him Invisalign.

And an exorcism.

Lenin was on his deathbed, with Stalin sitting by his side.

Lenin says: "What are you going to do after I die? They might not follow you."

Stalin responds: "Then they'll follow you."

Stephen Hawking died because he got unplugged from his Ethernet cord.

His favorite drink was his dribble.

I can't remember the last full conversation I had with my grandfather.

Good thing is, since he hit his head, he can't remember either.

Q: What did Darth Vader say to his smashed wristwatch?

A: I find your lack of face disturbing.

He huffed and he puffed, but instead of blowing the house, he choked it down with his mom.

Ferb is older than Phineas because his last line.

Ferb: "I’m boutta blow this sh*t!"

"Buy a man an airplane ticket, he will fly once. Throw a man off an airplane and he will fly for the rest of his life."

- Sun Tzu

So, one day Kylin Banks was playing football. Then he saw Violet. After he saw her, he got bricked up. Then he ran after her and rubbed his pickle all over her. She was so happy.

I saw a kid crying. I asked him where his parents were. God, I love working at the orphanage!

Friend: Hi.

Me: Do you know how lost their dad is?

Friend: Me?

Me: Damn, no, not you.

Friend: Then who?

Me: The orphan kid.

I guess we're the same.

Why did Justin Bieber start playing hide and seek with his fans?

Because they keepped.

Beethoven composed his whole life.

What did he do in the afterlife? He decomposed! Har har har har har har.

There once was a man who beat his wife, And before he even knew it, he ended her life. His hands were a mess, all red and bloody, He had to find somewhere to hide the body.

You're so fat that when Thanos snapped his finger, you broke the correction.

Why did Jordan cross the road? So he could get to his house.

Hi sisisissisisisisisis.

Why couldn't the horse give out a speech?

Option one: Horses can't speak at all.

Option two: His voice was a little *hoarse*.

Why do high tides come up so high?

Because they come up to say hi.