HI jokes
How did Stephen Hawking die?
Someone pulled his ethernet cable (he died of a blue screen)!
Jimmy asks an elevator operator what he thinks of his job.
The operator shrugs and says, "It has its ups and downs!"
Stephen Hawking died because he did a wheelie and unplugged his charger.
Where does Captain Hook buy his hook?
At a second-hand store.
I accidentally hit an orphan with my car, but I was not worried because he couldn’t tell his parents.
Memes
How do you make a mime cry?
You kill his family right in front of his stupid face.
Why did Mozart kill all of his chickens?
When he asked them who the best composer was, they all replied, "Bach, Bach, Bach!"
I finally asked my deadbeat dad what makes him happy. His answer? He hasn't gotten back to me.
A mathematics professor arrived home at 3 am drunk.
His wife was up waiting for him.
"You said you'd be home by 11:45!" she yelled.
He responded, "No my dear, I said I'd be home at a quarter of 12."
Weed: *gets hit by his own power*
Cop: Wait, shouldn’t you be resistant to your own element?
Weed: Are you resistant to bullets when you shoot a gun?
What did the rapper say when he broke his mic?
"Looks like I dropped the mic... literally!"
Why did the rapper bring a telescope to the studio?
To see his FUTURE in the STARS.
Why does the president take so long to deliver each sentence?
He’s just Biden his time.
Why did the rapper get kicked out of the library?
Because he was too loud with his FLOW.
Why did the rapper bring a comb to the concert?
Because he wanted to STYLE his FLOW.
Why did the rapper go to school?
To learn his ABCs (All 'Bout Cash)!
Why did the rapper bring a map to the studio?
To find the right direction for his FLOW.
Why did the rapper go to the dentist?
To get his ICE checked.
My history teacher asked my class what time they would go back to just to see what happened.
I said I'd go back to Hitler's childhood to tell him the lies that he becomes the ruler of the world by starting the Nazis, and leave his death out of the discussion.
What did one slave owner say to the other slave owner when he couldn’t find his slave?
Don’t worry, I’ll rope him in.