HI jokes

Little Jonny walks in on his parents having sex. He asks what they're doing and the father says: "Well...we're making you a brother." So little Jonny runs off to let his parents finish, happy that he's going to have a brother soon.

The next day when little Jonny's father comes home, Jonny is crying out on the driveway. The father sits down next to Jonny and asks what's wrong. Jonny cries: "I won't have a baby brother!" His father is confused. "What do you mean?" he asks. "Because the mailman came by today and ate him!"

How does a gay man trick a heterosexual man that is homophobic into giving him a brojob?

The gay man puts mustard on his dick and then puts his dick inside a glory hole.

My grandpa said, "Your generation relies too much on technology." I said, "We will see about that," and I unplugged his life support.

What do you call it when a friend calms his suicidal friend? "Hang in there, buddy."

A little boy decided to burn a house down. The father put his arm around his wife, tears in his eyes, saying, "That's arson."

A friend of mine just got divorced. He and his ex-wife split the house. He got the outside.

What is the difference between a kid's dad and his cancer?

The cancer came back.

My friend loves playing Roulette, so I figured I would introduce him to Russian Roulette. Blew his mind.

Wacko Jacko bleached his skin, lit his head on fire, slept in a chamber, abused his pet monkey, built an amusement park in his own backyard, had toys as decor for his home, slept with little boys, raped little boys. Jacko was Florida Man before Florida Man.

Why did Mozart kill all his chickens?

When he asked who the best composer was, they all replied, "Bach, Bach, Bach."

A preacher was selling a horse. A cowboy decided to buy the horse. The preacher told the cowboy to make the horse go, to say "Thank God" and to stop the horse, to say "Hallelujah". The cowboy then rode off into the sunset until he came upon a cliff, searching his memory he yelled "Hallelujah" and the horse stopped just before going off the cliff. Then the cowboy said "Thank God".

What did the skeleton say before dinner? "Bone appetit." His whole family found that humerus.

When the depressed kid runs out of eyeliner, so he says "fruit ninja" with his wrists.

I got my son a trampoline for his birthday.

The ungrateful boy sat in his wheelchair the whole time.

What did the fish get on his math test?

A sea plus.

A husband got a message from his neighbor one day. It read, "Hey, I'm sorry I had to tell you like this but I have been doing your wife for months now." The husband went to go grab his gun and shot his wife. He hid the evidence and a few hours later he got another message from his neighbor saying, "Sorry, meant using your wifi."

Why did the ACLU block the cellphone number of a Christian nationalist minister? Because the Christian nationalist had a virus on his cellphone and kept calling the ACLU because he wanted to join the ACLU because he wanted to become a card-carrying member of the ACLU.

I got mad at my sister's boyfriend, so I fucked his girl.

Little Johnny asks, "Mommy, where do babies come from?"

His mother replies, "The stork brings them."

Little Johnny, puzzled, asks, "Then who fucks the stork?"

What's My Favorite Thing About My Grandpa?

His life insurance...