Have you walked into Steven Hawking's house yet?
Yeah, neither has he.
Hes Jokes
Man, I’m so sorry that Stephen Hawking is dead; he was such a good person.
Too bad it’s a staircase to Heaven and not a ramp.
Why is Santa's sack so big?
He only comes once a year.
My boyfriend recently asked me to suck his cock. I was kinda nervous because I’ve never tasted a dick, but he said it doesn’t taste that bad, so I’ll give it a shot.
I have an EpiPen.
My friend gave it to me when he was dying.
It seemed really important to him that I have it.
Why did Stephen Hawking make it to heaven?
He couldn't make it up the stairs.
What did Luke Skywalker say when he saw someone bullying his sister?
You better not lay a finger on her!
When God created women, it was an accident. He meant to make a man, but then "WHOA-MAN!!"
An American is touring the Soviet Union. A Russian takes him to a school so he can see what it's like. He asks the kids if they like the Soviet Union. All of the kids say yes, they love it. All but one. That kid bursts out crying. The American asks what's wrong, and he cries, "I want to live in the Soviet Union!"
My son is so ungrateful. I bought him a trampoline and he just sat in his wheelchair and cried.
The reason Stephen sounds like a computer is because he ate his USB.
A thief walks up to a man in a suit and pulls out a gun. The thief says: "Give me your money." The man in the suit turns around surprised. He raises his hands and says: "But, wait! You can't do that, I am a Congressman!" The thief replies: "Oh, sorry. Give me MY money."
What did Stephen Hawking say when he died?
I'm logging out.
I broke the sink yesterday; the handle just blew right off! My dad was so mad, he blew his stack!
A bowman walked into a throne room, and he bowed to him.
A boy walks into some woods with a phone, and his friend comes by and asks, "What are you doing?"
He pauses, then says, "Trying some bird calls!"
Three guys walk into a room where a man is sitting with an assortment of foods on his plate because it's lunchtime. The guys ask the man to do a favor, and he says, "Sorry guys, I have a lot on my plate!"
A boy is sitting in a dentist chair getting braces, and a dentist comes in and says, "Brace yourself!"
So Timmy was walking down the street with his friend Lea. Suddenly a car drives by and Timmy waves at the car.
Lea looks at him, puzzled, then later asks him; "Why'd you wave at that car back there?"
Timmy replies "Oh that was my brother, he went to the bar. He must just be driving home..."
Q: What did the man say after removing another man's hat? A: He was decapitated.
