Hes jokes
Why did the rapper bring a ladder to the studio?
Because he heard the bars were high.
If you give a man a plane ticket, he will fly for a couple of hours, but if you push a man out of a plane, he will fly for the rest of his life :)
If Mexico is an unredeemable shithole, then how come the Republicans' favorite senator, Ted Cruz, ran to Mexico as fast as he could after a little bit of snow in his home?
Why does Donald Trump have a fervent crush on the Russian president?
He is Putin his dick where it don't belong!
How did the Emo kid bag all the cheerleaders?
He hit them all when he started shooting his shot.
Why was Wacko Jacko willing to write a song for the film Free Willy?
He thought that the film's title was a nice phrase to yell out in primary school playgrounds.
Why did Ten need a therapist? He was in between 9/11.
My friend's dad went to jail. He's just surprised because he can finally find him!
A bus full of ugly people is driving down the street. The bus crashes and everyone goes to heaven. They see Saint Peter, and he feels bad for them and grants them one wish before they go into heaven. The first one says, "I wish to be attractive." The second one says the same.
Meanwhile, the 3rd person in line is giggling and snickering and laughing while Saint Peter is granting wishes. Curiously, he asks why he is laughing. He says, "I was going to wish that they turned ugly again."
What's the difference between a Palestinian and a redneck?
At least the redneck was drunk when he married his cousin.
What’s one thing Obama proved during his presidency?
No matter how far a brotha gets in life, he’s still going to have the cops on his back.
Why couldn’t the leopard play hide and seek? Because he was always spotted.
A child, molester, and priest walk into a bar.
He orders a drink.
The other day I went to a museum. My friend and I went to the Holocaust section, and he got choked up when he saw the Anne Frank picture. I asked him, "Why are you sad? It's just an ashtray."
Why did God create women before men?
He didn’t want any advice on how to do it.
What did the man say to the deaf kid? He said...
I took my friend skydiving once, and he jumped out of the plane without a parachute. Then I remembered he was emo.
What does it mean when a man has a dodgy past? It means he has skeletons in his closet.
What does it mean when a man likes Lana Del Rey better than Ed Sheeran? It means he has a closet full of women's leather pants (but no women in their dating history).
My son told me he has to bring an object for show and tell at school.
So I had him bring my wife.
I think God is cool with abortion.
After all, he did kill his only son.