Hes jokes
Why did the terrorist masturbate and smoke weed on the plane?
He was told to high-jack it.
One day a local pastor was visiting the home of some parishioners who had a teenage son. The parents were worried about what career their son would choose, so the pastor said he had a simple test that could predict what would become of him.
He would put three objects on a table and let the young man choose whichever one he wanted to have: a Bible, a wallet, and a bottle of scotch. If the boy chose the Bible, he would probably become a priest; if he chose the wallet, he'd be a banker; and if he chose the bottle, he'd become a worthless bum.
So the parents called their son into the room, and the pastor told him he could have whichever object he wished. When the boy promptly picked up all three, the pastor cried out, "Heaven forbid! He's going to be a Jesuit!"
If Joe Biden was on stage and he heard gunshots, he probably would’ve thought it was the ice cream truck.
There was a kid crying. I asked him where his parents were. He cried more. I love working at an orphanage.
What did Chris Brown say the first time he saw Rihanna?
I’d hit that.
How did the Shaggy defense become successful for JD Vance?
He was not banging on the sofa. Rather, he was banging the sofa!
Did you hear about the guy who was arrested for stealing luggage? Unfortunately, he lost his case.
You gotta give it to JD Vance. He is consistent; he is Putin his dick where it don't belong!
Well, somebody has to cushion the blow.
Donald Trump secretly admires Joe Biden. How do I know?
He attempts to imitate "Sleepy Joe" by falling asleep during his court cases and during part of the Republican National Convention!
How can you tell Donald Trump is old and demented?
He can't distinguish between tanned people and cockroaches!
Kobe likes his shoes like the way he died.
Air.
I heard P. Diddy got a job as a defensive coordinator.
He’s used to penetrating aggressively.
About a month ago, I was at my best friend’s funeral and I told him, "Bitches always come and go." He looked at me kinda mad, kinda confused, and said, "That’s my mom, dude."
Why is Jeffrey Epstein so bad at races?
Because he comes in a little behind.
My boyfriend always likes when I wear my fishnet sleeves. He says it looks great on me, but he doesn’t know that my skin is covered with scars... no one does. No one questions why I wear them everyday. I hope it stays like that because I can’t deal with my mom finding out that I still hurt myself.
It's telling that Ye gets more offended when he's called a gayfish than a Nazi.
Stephen Hawking is better than NASA. They study black holes that are 8 billion years old, while he was down here on Earth staring at 14-year-old black holes. 😈😈😈
I went to see my doctor today and I asked him how come every time I have sex my eyes hurt.
He said that’s a common reaction to pepper spray.
My cousin really loves baseball.
He always brags about how many home runs he hit in the minors.
I don’t know if Jesus was black or white, but I know he for sure wasn’t Asian because people wouldn’t ask him to take the wheel.