Herring jokes

My girlfriend dumped me, so I stole her wheelchair. She came crawling back!

Yo mama so fat, she costs 15 elixir, and 3 inferno towers can't kill her!

Why did the white girl come back from Africa?

Because there was no water for her to drink. I'm black.

Did you hear about the fire at Noelle's place?

Her sister is a real Dess-ember!

A Thai woman ran into a wall. What does she break?

Her boner.

My wife said she wanted steamed vegetables with her steak, so I put her father in the hot tub.

What do you do to a deaf girl after you’re done fucking her?

Break her fingers so she can’t tell anyone.

What is the best thing about an 18-year-old girl in the shower?

Slick her hair, she looks 15.

My girlfriend's sister told me to write her a poem. This is what I came up with:

roses are red, violets are blue, if you ever feel alone, I'm always watching you.

I saw a homeless dude and gave him $1.

I saw a homeless woman and gave her $0.77.

Dating 101:

Here's what you do:

1. Dinner. 2. Kiss. 3. Movie. 4. Sex. 5. Bring her back home. 6. Get paid 15 bucks for babysitting.

Yo mama so fat that when God said, "Let there be light," he asked her to move out the way.

I asked my mom if I can help her out with the cooking, she answered yes.

A few hours later, dinner was ready and dad came to join. Mother said, "Honey, can you get the mashed potatoes?" Dad said, "Why, she’s right here."

My mom was cooking dinner and asked me if I could get her a cutting board.

"No, I need you to take off your shirt and lay on the island so I can cut some chicken."

How do you get a nun pregnant?

Dress her up like an altar boy.

Yo mama is so fat that Thanos had to snap his fingers twice to get her out of existence.

Yo mama so fat that her belt size is the Equator.

Yo mama so big, her belt size said "equator."

Yo mama so rich,

her blood type is 24 karat GOLD!

What's the best way to prank your blind girlfriend?

Fill her closet with see-through clothes.