Herring jokes

My ex-wife misses me, but her aim is getting better.

I got fired my first day at the bank. This old lady told me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

My sister told me only onions make you cry, so I always hit her back when she hit me, but I hit her with a shoe only to catch her cry.

I went up the temp girl and slapped her tests and said-

"I like ya cut, G."

Step on your small sister's foot, she will always open her mouth like a dustbin.

I asked what was her favorite type of magic. She said, "the one you make."

My Mum texted me she had lost her phone.

My friend came over to my house. He asked where my girlfriend was, and I told him she is in the garden.

He said, "That's weird, I didn't see her." I said, "You have to dig a little."

Yo mama so fat that if we cut her open, we could stop world hunger.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana.

Jack got high and grabbed Jill's thigh and said, "I know you wanna!"

Jill said yes, lifted up her dress, and then they had some fun,

But stupid Jill forgot the pill and now they have a son.

Yo mama so old.

Her first Christmas... was the first Christmas!

A married woman asked her husband if he saw the future. The husband answered her, "I have no eye, dear."

Hellen Keller went to go grab her bouncy balls.

Man: Ouch!

How do you kill Hellen Keller?

Take her on a walk off a cliff.

I saw a girl crying. I asked her, "Where are your parents?" She cried as I got kicked out of the orphanage.

I love when I could run through the grass and feel the wind on my face.

Then my mom told me to get off VR, and then I wheeled myself to her.

Your mama is so stupid that she put a ruler under her pillow to see how long she slept.

Yo mama so fat, Flash couldn't run around her.

Yo mama so fat, when God said, "Let there be light!" she blocked the sun. Now we call her the moon.

My sister said that I need to stop with the audited butt:

I got it from her when I was born.