Me and my girlfriend were walking in the woods.
Her: I am scared!
Me: What do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone.
Herring Jokes
What's black, white, and red all over? A nun on her period.
Did you hear about the fire at Noelle's place?
Her sister is a real Dess-ember!
A Thai woman ran into a wall. What does she break?
Her boner.
What do you do to a deaf girl after you’re done fucking her?
Break her fingers so she can’t tell anyone.
I was in the corner shop to buy some lottery tickets, and the Indian woman was sporting a red dot on her forehead. I scratched it off and won a fucking Ford Focus!
Why does your grandma like gardening so much?
Because she loves getting dirty down on her knees.
My girlfriend really wants me to get her pregnant so she would have a father figure in her life for once.
Yo mama is so fat that Thanos had to snap his fingers twice to get her out of existence.
Yo mama so fat that when God said, "Let there be light," he asked her to move out the way.
What's the difference between me and my mate...
I left my dad, while hers left with their friend Cancer.
My girlfriend's sister told me to write her a poem. This is what I came up with:
roses are red, violets are blue, if you ever feel alone, I'm always watching you.
Dating 101:
Here's what you do:
1. Dinner. 2. Kiss. 3. Movie. 4. Sex. 5. Bring her back home. 6. Get paid 15 bucks for babysitting.
Me explaining my child: when your mom is sitting on a table during her period, it's called the periodic table.
Yo mama so big, her belt size said "equator."
My crush rejected me 2 years ago, and I still have never moved on. I'll be over her when a train is over me.
Yo mama so fat,
Donald Trump himself tried to use her as his border wall in 2016.
Yo mama so rich,
her blood type is 24 karat GOLD!
I asked my mom if I can help her out with the cooking, she answered yes.
A few hours later, dinner was ready and dad came to join. Mother said, "Honey, can you get the mashed potatoes?" Dad said, "Why, she’s right here."
How do you get a nun pregnant?
Dress her up like an altar boy.
