Herring jokes

What did the mom say when her child came out?

"The head was so big!"

My sister thinks she's sooooo smart. She said that the only food that makes you cry is onions, therefore I threw a coconut at her.

One time there was a depressed man standing in the middle of a train track. A girl said, "Excuse me, can you move, please? I'm trying-" Then the man stopped her sentence and said, "How is your t-shirt so clean?" Then she said back, "Easy, hung it up."

What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?

A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.

My mom told me, "You son of a b!tch." I told her, "I may be a son of a b!ch but at least I am not the bitch." She hated me forever.

When she saw her first strands of grey hair, she thought she'd dye.

So, she went to see the "You Should Be Shot" Photography Studio.

What did the Queen Bee say to her bees?

"Beehive yourselves!"

Why can’t Helen Keller jump out of an airplane?

It scares the shit out of her dog.

Yo mama is so ugly that when Santa came to the house and saw a picture of her, he died.

What is the most awkward moment when Helen Keller is playing pin the tail on the donkey?

Her friends aren’t sure whether to blindfold her.

Why didn’t the emo attend her grandma’s funeral?

She thought her grandma was trying to flex.

Why was Helen Keller slurring her fingers?

She was drunk.

Me and my girlfriend were walking in the woods.

Her: I am scared!

Me: What do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone.

What's black, white, and red all over? A nun on her period.

Did you hear about the fire at Noelle's place?

Her sister is a real Dess-ember!

A Thai woman ran into a wall. What does she break?

Her boner.

What do you do to a deaf girl after you’re done fucking her?

Break her fingers so she can’t tell anyone.

I was in the corner shop to buy some lottery tickets, and the Indian woman was sporting a red dot on her forehead. I scratched it off and won a fucking Ford Focus!

Why does your grandma like gardening so much?

Because she loves getting dirty down on her knees.

My girlfriend really wants me to get her pregnant so she would have a father figure in her life for once.