I ask the emo girl if she gets jealous when her phone dies.
Herring Jokes
I know this isn't about glue, but here's one:
Cardi B had a sister who was obsessed with fitness. Her name? Cardi O.
Your momma is so fat, when she chose a yellow shirt when she was on a run, the kids ran after her because they thought they missed the bus.
Why does Helen Keller use her left hand to play with herself?
So she can moan with her right hand.
Today, I saw my friend go crazy eating her ham sandwich. When she went to the bathroom, I checked inside her ham sandwich, and there were fresh drugs.
My ex wanted to humiliate me in front of her friends, so she said I was useless in bed.
Should have seen her face when they all disagreed.
Yo mama's so stupid, she put lipstick on her forehead to make up her mind.
Yo mama's so stupid, when thieves broke into her house and stole the TV, she chased after them shouting, "Wait, you forgot the remote!"
Yo mama's so fat, I swerved to miss her in my car and ran out of gas.
Did you know Helen Keller had a dollhouse in her backyard?
No, and neither did she.
I had to go to my friend's house.
I went in her basement and I saw taped mouths that are KIDS in the basement... Is my friend OK???
There’s a woman cutting onions when her husband walks in and starts crying. Onions was a good dog.
First date be like:
Me: "I work with animals every day."
Her: "Oh, how sweet! What is it exactly that you do with them?"
Me: "I'm a butcher."
How do you get a hippy pregnant?
Cum on her feet and let the flies do the rest.
How did Rihanna find out Chris Brown was cheating on her? She found another woman's lipstick on his knuckles.
Yo mama's so fat, I run around her for exercise.
Yo mama so fat I bet that her fart can clear a room in seconds.
Guy: Hi, how was your day today?
Woman: Good!
Guy: *Well I can’t ask her out cause she’s pregnant*
Guy: How many months pregnant are you?
Woman: What to you mean?!?! Also, I’m not pregnant.
How do fuck a really fat chick?
Roll her in flour and look for the wet spot.
You know why they call her Wonder Woman?
She's always wondering where she parked her invisible jet.
