Herring jokes
The emo girl got jealous that her phone died and not her.
My wife Jean is happy, 😊 pretty, 😍 and pregnant,🤰 boy, 👦 am I glad 😊 I bought her 👩 a new whirlpool washer and dryer.
Washer: $249.95 Dryer: $199.95
My girlfriend left me today for spending my own money. What a bitch! I spend a fair amount of money on her for her clothes and Air Force Ones, but as soon as I spend $100 on hookers, she leaves me.
I got fired from my job at the bank today.
An old lady came in and asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
How to harass? Say it out loud but slowly. Split that word into, and it sounds like "her ass."
Memes
Yo mama so ugly, her mirror broke.
Yo mama so fat, when she was telling me her weight, I thought she was telling me her number.
Your mom is so old that her birth certificate says "expired."
Your mum's so fat, I took a picture of her last Christmas and it's still printing.
Why did Jeffrey get blood on his shoe?
Because this teen just started her period!
A little girl said to her mom, "Mom, my butt's cracked, kiss it, kiss it!" Her mom said, "Sweetie, shut up, it's always been there!" Then her daughter died 'cause of her melodramaticness.
What makes Mrs. Grape 🍇 a good mother?
Raisin' her kids!
A blonde drops off her dress to the dry cleaners.
“Come again!” says the woman behind the desk.
“No, it’s curry this time.”
What do you call it when a cow gets disciplined by her parents?
Grounded beef.
Your mom is so fat, when she swam in the sea, Wales came up to her and said, "We are family, even now you’re fatter than me."
Is there a really annoying girl at your school and she's so fake? Well, say this:
Me: Hey, I have a nickname for you.
Her: Really? What?
Me: Sweet-in-low.
Her: Why?
Me: Because you're artificial.
Your mom is so slow it took her 9 months to create a joke.
When I got to school, they gave me an Acer laptop, so I went up to the teacher and aced her.
What's the difference between me and Elizabeth Afton?
Her dad always comes back.
My friend is upset with me because I sniffed his grandmother's nickers. Not sure if it was because she was still wearing them or if it was because the whole family was watching. Either way, the rest of her funeral was really awkward.