Herring jokes

A proud father has six children. He always calls his wife "mother of six" to her displeasure.

One night at a party, he yells across the room, "Mom of six, we're going now." She replies: "I'll be right there, father of four."

She said she was cheating. I put anti-freeze in her drink.

My girlfriend dumped me, so I stole her wheelchair.

Guess who came crawling back? Sadly, the hardest part to eat of the vegetable is the wheelchair.

Why did the blonde have sex with a Mexican?

Her teacher told her that she had to do an essay.

I hope I die peacefully in my sleep like my mother.

Not screaming like her passengers.

How did the cannibal know the girl he was eating for dinner had COVID-19?

She lost her taste.

What’s 9 inches long and makes my girlfriend scream?

One inch and put it in her. Her miscarriage.

What’s the difference between jelly and jam?

You can’t “jelly” it in her ass.

My girlfriend told me her lips were dry, and she had the audacity to get mad at me for telling her to walk.

Your mama is so nasty.

She showed up to Red Lobster with her own crabs.

What is the worst thing about dating a blind woman?

Getting her husband's voice just right.

My screen lock is my favorite picture of my wife. When I'm on a 14-hour shift, being miserable, hating my life... I pull out my phone and gaze at the picture of my wife. Then I realize it's better here than at home with her ass.

Yo mama is so ugly, when she went for plastic surgery, they accidentally gave her face a Brazilian Butt Lift!

This was a few months ago. I used to help people load and unload inventory. One day I’m driving home after having lunch with my sister, and she asked if we can stop at the next gas station. I told her, "So you can weigh yourself on the truck scale?"

When I have sex, my girlfriend screams, especially when I walk in on her.

Yo mama is so dumb, she spent all her money on free subscriptions!

Yo mama is so clumsy, when she had her first kickboxing lesson, she kicked herself in the testicles.

Yesterday I purchased a world map and told my wife to throw a dart, and wherever it lands, I will take her. Turns out we're spending three weeks behind the fridge.

What do you call a white woman working at an all black company?

Crack/her

What do you white people use as pronouns?

Crack/her.