Herring jokes

Unfortunately, I had bad luck and faced infidelity.

Picture this: the bedroom door opens and I see my girlfriend in bed with two men...

I didn’t expect her to come back so early.

Question: What do you say to give a woman from West Virginia a "Nice Compliment"?

Answer: You say to her: "NICE TOOTH!"

Did you hear what happened to Lorainna Bobbit? She was in an accident on the Garden State Parkway. She told the State Police Officer, "That some dick cut her off."

There was a girl called Millie, and she had sexy blond hair, and she wanted to chase me, but I told her she had to catch me first if she loves me.

My grandmother made her passage on a boat. The thing wasn’t the only thing that went down.

How did "Bloody Mary" become a thing?

Because her husband beat her bloody when she didn't stay in the kitchen.

Your mama is so fat, when she stepped on the scale the doctor asked for her weight, not her phone number.

Your mama so fat, it took all the trees to build her a coffin.

My girlfriend told me she’s sad because she’s put on a bit of weight.

I told her to keep her chins up.

Helen Keller: *Gets knocked to the floor*

Helen Keller (in her head): "Wow, I didn't see that coming!"

Yo mama so ugly, when she went to an ugly contest, they told her, "No pros allowed."

Yo mama's so poor that when I was walking down the street, I saw her kicking the trash can, and I asked, "What are you doing?" She said, "I'm moving!"

Yo mama so fat that the US (Mexico) and North Korea (South Korea) got into a war fighting over who gets to use her as their border wall.

Yo mama so stupid, she tried to fill her car with Vin Diesel.

Yo mama is so fat when she goes to the dentist, they make her lay face down.

Your mom's so poor, she chased the garbage truck with her grocery list.

Yo momma is so fat, I took a picture of her last Christmas and it's still printing!

Yo mama is so ugly, her pictures hang themselves.

Yo mama so stupid, she ate the Apple phone you gave her.

Your mom is so fat that the photographer had to go to the moon just to click the photo of her belly button.