Herring jokes

How do you make your girlfriend scream during sex?

Call and tell her about it.

Q: How did Rihanna find out Chris Brown was cheating on her?

A: She found another woman’s lipstick on his knuckles.

Did you hear what happened to Lorainna Bobbit? She was in an accident on the Garden State Parkway. She told the State Police Officer, "That some dick cut her off."

My wife wanted something that went from 0 to 80 very quickly.

So I brought her a new bathroom scale.

There is a joke that did not enter this page... Why? She is afraid they will laugh at her!

What do a 14-year-old pregnant girl and the child inside her have in common?

Both are thinking, “Oh no! My mom’s gonna kill me!”

Question: What do you say to give a woman from West Virginia a "Nice Compliment"?

Answer: You say to her: "NICE TOOTH!"

My older sister said she was gonna shoot herself, so I did it for her.

How do you know if your sister's on her period?

Your dad's dick tastes funny.

What's worse than fingering your sister?

Finding your dad's wedding ring inside her.

Why were her hands purple?

She heard it through the grapevine.

I saw a girl crying. I told her, "Where are your parents?" She cried more after that. I got kicked out of the orphanage.

My heart broke as I went down the stairs, and my girlfriend broke her heart.

How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?

They stuck a plunger down the toilet.

Your sister is so stupid, she only thinks an onion will make people cry.

So I threw a coconut at her.

My ex was an orphan as a child.

I should have taken that as the first sign.

If her parents didn’t want her, why would I?

I went to a tall girl and I asked her, "What do you do for a living?" She says, "An account." So I reply with, "An accounting the hairs on people's heads," and then I run away.

I told my wife to embrace her mistakes.

So she gave me a hug.

Yo mama is so ugly, her self-portraits hanged themselves.

Yo mama so fat, even Dora couldn't explore her.

"Your mum has very small balls. Congrats! I told her, your balls are bigger than your husband's."