Heat jokes
Did you get your phone from the desert? No wonder why your texts are always so dry.
Student: It's hot in here.
Teacher: That's because I'm in here.
The sun is fire.
One day there were these 3 cowboys sitting next to a fire and they were telling each other about their adventures. Well, the first cowboy said, "I tangled with a bull that killed 6 people, so I wrestled that son of a bitch to the ground with my bare hands."
The second cowboy said, "That's nothing. Yesterday I was walking on a trail and came across a rattler, so I picked it up, bit its head off, and drank all his venom in one gulp."
The third cowboy remained quiet, stirring the embers of the fire with his penis.
What would you do if you see a guy suffocating from the heat? I would call and dial 911, holy shit!
Are you a volcano? Because you're hot and I really lava you!
Little boy asked his dad why he was born black.
Father replied, "So the heat from the sun doesn't burn your skin."
Then he asks, "Why is our hair all frizzy like fuse wire?"
"So the coconuts when falling from the trees won't hurt you."
"Then what are we doing living in Rochdale? (England)"
Why didn't the sun go to college?
Because it already had a million degrees!
Why is the sun famous? Because it’s a shining star.
Sorry for posting this!
Two Canadians die and end up in Hell. Satan decides to pay them a visit, so he walks into their room and sees them talking and laughing. Confused, he asks them why they're happy.
They tell him, "Well, we're so sick of the cold where we're from, and this place is nice and toasty."
Satan, annoyed, storms away and goes to Hell's boiler room, where he turns up the temperature.
He goes back to the Canadians' room, along the way being begged by all sorts of people to put the heating back down. He enters the room to see the Canadians having a barbecue. Furiously, he asks them what they're doing.
"Well, we can't pass up this wonderful weather without getting out the barbecue!"
Satan realizes he's been doing the wrong thing. He goes to the boiler room and turns it down until it's at a colder temperature than ever seen on earth.
He knows he's won now, so he goes back to the Canadians' room, only to see them jumping up and down in excitement.
He shouts at them in fury, "WHY ARE YOU STILL HAPPY?!?!?!"
They look at him and shout at the same time, "Hell froze over! That means the Leafs won!"
When pigs went to the desert, they turned into bacon.
Three men were going for a drive through the desert. An hour later, the car breaks down. They all take something from the car to keep themselves cool as they walk to the nearest gas station a few miles back.
One guy grabs a hand-held fan. Another guy grabs the jug of water. The last guy takes the car door off. About 15 minutes into walking, the other two are giving the one guy weird looks. Finally, one of them asks why he is taking the car door. The third guy just replies that whenever he gets hot he can just roll down the window.
I tried to dress hot so my boyfriend would cast some attention upon me, but it just made him sweat.
Cremation:
My last hope for a smoking hot body.
How do rappers stay warm in the winter?
They drop FIRE TRACKS.
If your house is cold, just stand in the corner. It's always 90 degrees there.
What did the rapper say to his microwave?
"Yo, heat it up, fam!"
What do you call a Chinese man in the heat?
Boi Ling.
Yo mama so hot, she can fit in a mug.
Why did the dog go into the fire?
Because it wanted to be a hot dog!