Have jokes
Fatty told Skinny, "Do you have any food? My stomach is empty and I haven't eaten."
Skinny replied to Fatty, "Well, doesn't seem like you need food, you ate the whole universe instead!"
I looked up "I have whiplash" on WebMD, and it diagnosed me with slavery.
What does a bicycle and Jade Goody have in common?
They can't reach 30.
bully: "Your life's a joke."
me: "My life's not a joke, jokes have meaning."
I tend to think my ‘depression’ is for attention. I guess I have depressed depression.
Why are there no pharmacies in Africa?
Because you can't have medicine on an empty stomach.
Flat earthers are completely wrong. If the earth was flat, I would have yeeted myself off the edge years ago!
Hickory dickory dock. My wife avoids my cock. She's losing her and having an affair. So I had to slap Chris Rock.
Why can't orphans have a five-star GTA because they're not wanted?
You have a six-minute timer to live, but when you breathe, it resets.
The more people who like to eat Tide Pods, the less idiots we have in the world. 😁
What does Michael Jackson and a lion have in common?
They're both predators.
Why does a movie set say "break a leg"? Because they have a cast.
Why do women have cleaner minds than men? Because they change theirs more often.
Why does the Catholic Church have a glory hole inside the confessional booth?
So a priest can give an anonymous blowjob to another bisexual man, or a gay man, or a heterosexual man that has a big dick after the priest hears their confession.
What do a convention of nerds and Kurt Cobain's garage have in common?
There's brains all over the place.
What does milk and a kid with cancer have in common?
An expiration date.
Have you ever walked past Steven Hawking's house?
No, neither has he.
After watching Star Wars 8, I have to say Snoke was half the man I expected him to be.
Ever heard of a rape victim with Alzheimers? Yeah, neither have they.