Have jokes
My wife told me she was fat and depressed. She asked me to compliment her, so I said, "You have perfect eyesight!"
Why can't orphans use a phone?
Because they don't have a home screen.
Your mama is so fat, guys have to bring climbing equipment to have sex with her.
Your mama is so ugly, she doesn't have to flush the toilet. She already scared the shit out of it.
Do you know why people in wheelchairs don’t pay for them?
Because they have to pay for road tax.
Yo mama so hairy, her knuckles have sideburns.
Math riddle: If I have 12 bottles of wine in one hand, and 9 in the other, what do I have?
Did I tell you I finally got my wife to scream during sex? Yeah, you should have heard her the other day when I walked in on her.
My wife is so fat.
She asked me to get on top; I had to get a step ladder. When I got up there, my ears popped, and the air was so thin. I had to have two Sherpas drag me off the mountain.
What does an orphan's life and a pseudoword have in common?
They both have no meaning.
Math Teacher: "If I have 5 bottles in one hand and 6 in the other hand, what do I have?"
Student: "A drinking problem."
Yo mama so fat, when she falls, they have to call 999 and a crane to pick her up.
Adopting a kid is like having a yard sale! I mean, if the owners don't want it anymore, what makes you think I want it?
What do orphans' parents have in common with Nemo?
They both can’t be found.
What do women and Nvidia have in common?
They both do not make very good drivers.
When does a pentagon not have 5 sides?
When it’s intersected by a plane.
What do Nemo and Emily's dad have in common? They both can't be found.
There was an exam music quiz question about Gary Glitter. Now, if there's anyone you don't want to associate with the phrase "shh, turn over, you've got an hour," it's him.
Shit, my bad. I should leave him alone, he just wants to settle down and have kids.
What do apple trees and orphans have in common?
The apples get picked.
Yo mama so scary that the monsters have to look under the bed for her.
Yo mama so ugly that the monsters thought that she was their mother.