Happiness jokes

Happy New Year! 🍆🍑🍆🍑

Twinkle, twinkle, there’s a car Coming like a shooting star.

I will stand in the way. I will not be seen again. Are you happy I am dead? Now you made it to the end.

I told my mom I'm happy and she said: "I didn't know you were gay."

A man had moved to a new country with his dog and with basic understanding of the language. One day he heard people talking about a place for dogs, so he took his dog there, telling them he wanted his dog to be groomed.

The man behind the counter responded with "yes happy dog, come back in little hours." So the man left and came back a couple hours later. When he asked about his dog, he was given a box of jerky. He found out "Happy Dog" was the name of the place where dogs become food.

Three guys are standing in an alley on an alien planet, and the psycho one says, "However many tits your girl has is how many balls you have!"

The first guy says, "Ha! My girlfriend has six! I'm racked up!" The second guy said, "Eh, I am happy with two balls." The third guy said, "Shit! My girlfriend is flat as fuck!"

A guy listening in enters and says, "Bro, you actually have girlfriends. I do not. Does that mean I have a pussy?"

A man asked another man if he was happy with his marriage. He replied, "Yes, I'm very happy. We go on date night every week." The other man asked, "When?" He goes on Wednesday and I go on Thursday.

Sister: Hey sis, how are you today?

Me: Oh, good, you?

Sister: Good, 'cause I heard you finally got a good living life.

Why was the orphan happy that he got in trouble at school?

Because the principal was going to call his parents.

Luigi was dying and had two sons. Bruno was handsome, but Alberto was ugly.

He said, "Maria, tell me, is Alberto my son?"

"Yes, Luigi," his wife said, and he died happily.

Wife said, "Thank God he didn’t ask about the other one!"

Life's full of ups and downs :D <3

What time do you think dogs are not happy?

Bulldogs.

Guy feels something on his back.

“Oh God, please let that be a rifle.”

“Nope. I’m just real happy to see you.”

Life has ups and downs, and they had downs.

You're like a stormy cloud, because once you go away, it's a nice day.

Everyone becomes happy when they complete the last stage of the game.

But the cancer patients aren't.

Ever heard of account stealing?

Ever heard of someone by the name of "#SHUT THE HELL UP GWEN DON'T EVEN DATE PRINCE ON FACE BOOK!!!!!!!! I HATE IT WHEN UR HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"?

For some reason a group of emo kids are following me because I gave them a Happy Meal.

Person with no arms: Even though I have no arms, I can do anything you guys can.

Me: If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands. 👏👏 If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands. 👏👏

Person with no arms: 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

When cops say you have the right to remain silent,

You're just happy you have the right to do something.

Today, I filmed an unboxing video at my friend's funeral.

His parents weren't too happy.