Hair Jokes

Your hairline is so ugly, your hair runs away from it.

Your hairline goes so far back you have to wear sunscreen.

Man: I must confess, Father.

Priest: What are you here to confess?

Man: I hit my wife and blamed her for what happened to our son.

Priest: And what happened to your son?

Man: He said a man raped him.

Priest: When and where did this happen?

Man: A local church. I don't know which one.

Priest: ...By whom?

Man: A priest, he said. He said the priest had black hair and blue eyes, kind of like you.

Priest: ...Shit

There was a girl called Millie, and she had sexy blond hair, and she wanted to chase me, but I told her she had to catch me first if she loves me.

Your hairline is so curved that McDonald's hired you to be their "M."

Your forehead [is] so big scientists measured it, studied it, and then finally they said: "Oh my God... your forehead is so big it's a 50 mile car ride from your eyebrows to your hair!"

Yo, your hairline so messed up God said your hairline on the cross getting hit on that cross.

What do you call an autistic kid with orange hair?

A boomerang.

Your hairline looks like Thanos snapped your hair out of existence.

Your hairline is so long that when you finally found the length of it, you told someone and they said, "Don't give me your phone number."

What is white, blue eyed, blonde haired and somehow was made in Galilee during the Roman occupation?

An Italian Renaissance painting that was carbon dated.

I saw a girl with blond hair. She was sexy and beautiful. I thought she was the most hottest girl I ever saw, so I ran up to her feeling hot.

An emo girl dyed her hair red.

Where does her hairline start? Her wrist.

Yo, hairline as long as George Washington's date of birth.

There was once a grandfather. He had very little hair, and he lived in a forest.

On his death bed, he was fully bald. So he told his children, "You see my head? I have no hair. All of my hair has been wiped, and I hope this forest doesn't experience the same. Children, every time a tree is cut in this forest, plant a new one in its place."

So for years, and to this day, that forest still stands, each tree being replanted. All because of an old man and his re-seeding hairline.

Your hair is receding more than people do when they smell you.

Your hair is so far back, you left it at your last address.

Your hairline goes back to when your dad left you.

Why is the record for longest jump kept by an emo?

They're still hanging.

What did the orphan say to the barber?

I dunno, the orphanage doesn’t pay for haircuts.