While undressing a woman, she told me she has AIDS. I told her she can't catch it twice, but she still kept screaming.
There was always that one specific person you thought ruined your life, but it turns out your life has always been ruined by you being in it.
Q: What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
A: A battery has a positive side.
Q. What walks through alleys and has a hole in it?
A. Batman's parents.
You gotta give it to JD Vance. He is consistent; he is Putin his dick where it don't belong!
Well, somebody has to cushion the blow.
roses are red, unlike the rest, I'm the one who has your IP address.
Blue: The ocean is a place where the creatures live.
Black: NIGHTMARES LIVE!
Blue: It has many pretty things and it will-
Black: KILL YA TO DEATH! Especially if you are on Titanic! So let that sink in. PUN INTENDED!
What is six inches, has nuts, and is hard?
A sinkers bar.
Why did Joe Biden visit Hiroshima? Because the city has the hottest prepubescent girls in the world.
6:30 has to be the best time, hands down.
After a lord comes back from vacation, he meets the gardener at the gates of his park.
Lord: "Has something happened while I was gone?"
Gardener: "Ah, nothing much, I just broke a shovel while I was burying your dog."
Lord: "My dog died?!"
Gardener: "Yes, it choked on the smoke when your mansion burnt down."
Lord: "My mansion?! How?!"
Gardener: "Well, your wife was distraught and dropped a candle on the curtains."
Lord: "Why was she so distraught?"
Gardener: "She received the news of your daughter being kidnapped."
Lord: "My daughter! Don't you have any positive news for me?!"
Gardener: "Oh right! Your cancer test results!"
"Knock Knock!" "Who's there?" "It's Dave!"
"Dave who?"
Dave bursts into tears, realizing that his grandmother's Alzheimers has progressed to the point where she no longer remembers him.
Isn't it strange that the LGBTQ flag only has straight lines?
What has more letters than the alphabet? -- The post office.
At the restaurant, the waitress starts flirting with me. "She must have COVID," my wife said. "Why?" I asked. "'Cause she clearly has no taste." She responded.
How do you know when a football player has been to jail?
When he goes in a tight end and comes out a wide receiver.
What is the difference between an iPhone and an orphan?
An iPhone has a button to go home.
Brian has a crush on a cute girl, Sally, from school, so he goes and tells his dad about her, and he says, "Sorry, son, you can't like her; she is your sister." So Brian is okay with it, and he starts to like another girl, Madison, and he goes up to his dad and says, "I have a crush on this girl, Madison," and again the dad goes, "Oh, sorry, son, you can't like any girl in school; they are all your sisters." So he goes crying to his mom and says, "Dad said I can't like any girl because they are all my sisters," and the mom goes, "Oh, it's okay; you can like any girl you want because he is not your dad."
Every zodiac sign has a hairstyle except for Cancer.
How many orphans does it take to "test drive" a bus? It depends on how much space the orphanage has and how much space the cemetery has.
