A Mexican is drunk and he has a passenger in the car, and the passenger asked, "Where are we going?"
The Mexican says, "I'm not driving, the drunk guy is."
Why is a white guy in prison scarier than a black guy in prison?
The white guy actually did it.
A guy walks into a bar, he's like, "What's your number, lad?" and the woman is like, "298-777-fatso.com" and he walked home depressed.
If you are a big fan of me, go to the movie and I kill the bad guys. If you don't, I will be mad and I will be sonic.exe lol.
An orphan goes up to someone. The guy says, "Where are your parents?"
The orphan says, "Why do you think I'm wearing ripped pyjamas?"
Me: *in a family meeting*
Mom: Ok guys...
Me in my mind: BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA
Guys, if y'all don't stop making hatred stuff, I'm contacting admin.
So, I'm sitting here smacking on some cheese ball BBQ, my titties, and then I saw the most a shoe got shoveled all the way up my ass. I cried, then turned around and said, "MOTHERFUCKING COCK SUCK FUCKIN GAY ASS HOE SHOVIN SHOE'S UP MY ASS SON OF A BITCH!" Then turned around, punched the guy, got smacked in the face, went in for another punch, got smacked in the face, then people staring at me. I said, "WTF are you staring at?" I punched as hard as I can, then got knocked out. I thought this, "This isn't over motherfucker, I'm gonna find you and kill you." Next thing I knew, I was in the hospital. They told me, "Why tf were you fighting a stop sign?" I said, "What? You were fighting a motherfuckering stop sign?" I said, "Bitch, I ain't crazing yo head a stop sign son of a bitch fuck my pussy u must be high! hai es a bitch muhfuhcka"
So, a guy is evading the draft. The cops bang on his door, and he runs out the back, through an alleyway onto a road. He finds a nun and asks if he can hide under her blouse. She complies, and the cops walk by and don't see them. The man comes back up from under the nun's blouse and says, "Hey man, you've got a pair of balls!" The nun says, "I didn't wanna be drafted either..."
Oh hi guys. Oh, whoops, I didn't planet this way.
Yesterday I saw a guy spill all his Scrabble letters on the road.
So I asked him, “What’s the word on the street?”
Me: Hi, my name is...
Bro: Hey guys! So who are you?
Me: Hey, stop dude!
Bro: How is it going, bro--
Me: SHUT UP!
Bro: Is that a gun?
Me: *Pointing at bro*
Bro: Dude, I'm...
Me: *BANG* *BANG*
Me: Finally, it's over.
I said to Google, "How do I kill someone?" Then I got https://www.wired.com/story/dark-web-bitcoin-murder-cottage-grove in the front. Before you click it, it says, "If you want to kill someone, we are the right guys." How the f*** did this get in Google?
What did a cannibal have as his last meal?
Five guys.
What would you do if you see a guy suffocating from the heat? I would call and dial 911, holy shit!
"Guys! Let’s hang out after school!"
Dude named Guys:
Dude named Out:
Dude named School:
What to say to a single guy who's insulting you: "Shut up, you horny virgin!"
So, y'all remember Hitler, right?
Ok, so I own a gun with Nazi rounds. I shot a guy who was entering my home who wasn't invited. He said, "Did you shoot me with Nazi rounds?" Then I said, "Do you mean 'nein' millimeter?"
People are fighting in a war, and a man gets hit four times in the arm and says, "'Tis but a scratch!"
And the other guy, looking at him in shock, says, "A scratch? Your arm is off your body!"
What do a gay guy in a wheelchair and a tomato have in common?
They’re both a fruit AND a vegetable!
