Gun

Gun Jokes

Bullying

A noose, a knife, a gun, and a razor blade look at a child who committed suicide after being bullied.

Everyone looked at the noose. The noose would say, "What? It wasn't my fault!"

Bar

A guy walks into a bar with a .44 magnum and yells: "Who the fuck fucked my wife?"

Everybody is silent for a second, then the bartender said: "Mate, you ain't got enough bullets!"

Tank

What do a tank and a warship have in common?

They're overweight.

Stealth

What can't a Desert Eagle and Barrett do for stealth missions?

They can't be way too loud.

Shooting Range

I don't understand why, when I went to the shooting range today, the police came. Like, bro, I always go to elementary schools.

Canoe

A man from France, a man from Britain, and a man from New York are on an expedition to the Amazon Forest. After a while, they get lost. As they are walking, suddenly the bushes jump up into the air, and men with spears are there.

One man says, "Hey, you're in our sacred land. So, what we are going to do is skin you and then use your flesh to make canoes. But we aren’t that crazy, so we will let you choose how you die."

The man from France said, "Bring me the poison."

The man from Britain said, "Bring me the gun."

And the man from New York said, "Bring me a fork."

The guy was confused with the fork but still brought the items and gave them to them. The guy from France said, “For France!” and drank the poison and died. The man from Britain said, “Long live the Queen!” and shot himself and died. And the man from New York started stabbing himself with the fork and said, “MAKE A CANOE OUT OF THIS YOU FUCKERS!”

Auntie

I will remember my auntie's last words: "If you shoot me, your p-nis is small!"

(gun shot)

Knife

Q: Why does Pewdiepie prefer knives over guns?

A: Because knives don't have barrels.

Movie

Dwayne “the Rock” Johnson has made a laudable, command decision to omit real firearms from his movie sets.

This being the case, he ought to produce, direct, and star in his next movie titled: “The Rubber Gun Squad!” 👌 😉

Rabbit

So, once upon a time, there was a man who lived in his house with his wife.

He got up to go out to work and closed the front door behind him.

Not even four seconds later, he came back inside panicking, saying, "There's a rabbit with a gun outside!"

The wife replied, "Oh, don't worry, rabbits don't have guns. They can't shoot people; you must be imagining things."

The man calmed down for a few minutes, and after some reassuring, he eventually decided to try to go back out to work again.

So he stepped outside the front door, and the rabbit shot him.

Shooting

Teachers: Whenever there’s a school shooting, hide under the desk.

Students: Hiding under desk.

Shooter: Well, no one’s in here!

Policeman

I wish I was a policeman, 'cause then I would actually have a gun to shoot myself with.

Shotgun

Roses are dead, violets smell like poo, I got a big fucking shotgun, what you gonna do?

Force

What do you call a group of special ed kids with guns? Special forces.

Day

One day I was passing a blind man and I gave him a gun and told him it was a blow dryer.

Next day I went for another walk and saw his grave.

Robbery

So I was being robbed, and this guy had the gun to my head, so I told him he was holding it backwards.