Ground

Ground jokes

Mission

    • A group of Astronauts, a Mechanic, a Pilot, & a Communications operator are on a very important mission to Mars when one of their solar panels gets grazed by a meteorite.

    And so the Astronauts quickly assemble in the hull to wait for orders from the ground. Once the Communications operator turned on coms, their man on the ground told the Pilot to continue their course & to send the Mechanic out to fix the problem. As the Mechanic worked on finishing repairing the solar panel, the Pilot & Communications operator told each other dark jokes when out of nowhere a meteorite field appeared! The Ground operator frighteningly shouted "Get him back in the ship!" to the Communications operator. "Chill out, he'll be fine," The Pilot assured him. "Get him the hell out of there, that's an order!" The Ground operator argued. Then thirty seconds later the Communications operator came back from the air shoot & asked, "Now what?"

  • 0

    • Tower

    • The north and south towers got into an argument.

    The south tower said, "We will talk about this when we are on the ground."

  • 1

    • Anger

    • Short people tend to get angry easily...

    'Cause they're so close to the ground, their anger doesn't dissipate easily...

  • 1
    • Ground memes

    Garbage

    • What do Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, Ilhan Omar, Ayanna Pressley, and Rashida Tlaib all have in common?

    All four of them are garbage.

  • 1

    • Puzzle

    • I have a thousand-piece puzzle of the Japanese map. It took me ages to finish it.

    But after the earthquake, I just threw all the pieces on the ground, and it's done.

  • 0

    • North Tower

    • Knock, knock!

    Who’s there?

    Kamikaze!

    Kamikaze wh—

    おいおい、お前を殺して、その塔ごと地面に叩き込んでやるぞ! いいな?

  • 0

    • Coffin

    • When I die, I'll let everyone I kept dear lower my coffin into the ground.

    So they can let me down one last time.

  • 2

    • Explorer

    • Three unlucky jungle explorers were captured by a band of cannibals. Whilst being tied to three respective stakes, the chieftain announces that the hapless adventurers were about to die.

    "After you're dead, you'll be skinned. The skin will be used to increase our canoe armada, and the rest of you will be food for us and our families."

    This announcement was met with gasps of despair from the bound trio.

    "There is one small favor I can offer you," the chief went on. "We'll let you choose your own method of death from what we have captured from other explorers."

    Some of the tribal members begin walking by, displaying various implements of war and death.

    The first explorer chose a crusty-looking musket. Thankfully, the powder load still fired, and he was dispatched without much fuss.

    The second chose a knife and quickly drew it across his throat.

    Both carcasses were hauled off by various tribesmen.

    The third explorer stood there resolute and deep in thought.

    After a few moments, the chieftain said, "There is no escape, you need to decide now, or I'll decide for yo..."

    "Do you have a fountain pen in any of that junk?" the explorer interrupted?

    Baffled, the chieftain sent two of his men to rummage. They came back bearing the pen and a bottle of ink.

    When the explorer noticed the ink was Noodler's Baystate Blue, his grin spread from ear to ear.

    Gathered round the explorer, spears in hand, the cannibals looked on as he was released and set to work filling the pen with ink.

    Confused, the chief began to speak, "I'm afraid we have no paper, and even if you wrote a final letter, we'd have no way of sending it anywh..."

    Cackling with triumphant glee, the explorer raised the pen into the air and began ramming it into his torso, nib first, again and again. He then fell upon the ground gasping a death rattle.

    Horrified, the chief drew close as the man beckoned him for one final word.

    "But why this painful death? When you had so many other more merciful options?" the chief asked.

    Laughing, the man gasped his last statement into the chief's ear, "You'll make no boats from me now, and your mouths will be blue for months!"

  • 2