Ground jokes
What do a mole and an eagle have in common?
They live underground, except for the eagle. Lol.
What do you call a cow that skydives without a parachute?
Ground beef.
I was at the club and then my dad walked up and said, "You're 15, why are you high and at the club?" So I ran. Then my uncle was at the car and took me home, so I was grounded. Then my boyfriend came because my parents went out and we had sex and we were very loud. My dad came home and walked in. He had my boyfriend pin me against the wall so my dad could spank me.
What did the plane that crashed on the ground say? Let me crash between those legs, girl!
Sorry, cringy joke.
Yo mama so fat, she fell over. Nobody laughed, but the ground cracked up.
Helicopters fly because they are so ugly that the ground pushes them away.
What did the stepdad say to the flower? You're grounded!
Floor on the road?
An apple and an emo girl fall from the same height in a tree. Which one hits the ground first? The apple, cuz the noose stops her.
A woman walks out of the shower, winks at her boyfriend, and says, "Honey, I shaved myself down there. Do you know what that means?"
The boyfriend says, "Yeah, it means the drain is clogged again."
An old woman walked into a dentist's office, took off all her clothes, and spread her legs. The dentist said, "I think you have the wrong room."
"You put in my husband's teeth last week," she replied. "Now you have to remove them."
A penguin takes his car to the shop, and the mechanic says it'll take about an hour for him to check it. While he waits, the penguin goes to an ice cream shop and orders a big sundae to pass the time. The penguin isn't the cleanest eater, and he ends up covered in melted ice cream. When he returns to the shop, the mechanic takes one look at him and says, "Looks like you blew a seal."
"No," the penguin insists, "it's just ice cream."
If your Uncle Jack was on his roof, and he wanted you to help him down, would you help your Uncle Jack off?
A family's driving behind a garbage truck when a dildo flies out and thumps against the windshield. Embarrassed, and trying to spare her young son's innocence, the mother turns around and says, "Don't worry, dear. That was just an insect."
"Wow," the boy replies. "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that!"
How do you try to shout at someone on the bottom of the ground?
"Hey, sir! Are you dead?"
What hit the ground first in 9/11? The people.
Roses are red, Get on the ground, Gimme your stuff, Get ready to drown!
Hey guys, I'm back. I was grounded by my grandfather, so, yeah.
What takes 10 seconds to go SLPAT! on the ground?
9/11 victim!
A Scouser at ground zero just after the twin towers fell asks a passer-by, "What time is it, mate?"
An American replies, "That's a mad accent, where are you from?"
The Scouser says, "Liverpool."
The American says, "Oh, what state is that in?"
The Scouser looks around and says, "About the same state as this, mate, but what time is it?"
When the school shooter says to get on the ground, but the sped kid thinks it's Simon Says!
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
If a blonde and a brunette jump off a building, who would hit the ground first?
The brunette, because the blonde would have to stop and ask for directions!
What did the policeman shout to the cow running away?
"Get to the ground, beef!"