A man walks into a bar with his pet octopus and proudly claims the animal can play any musical instrument. The bartender pulls out a guitar from behind the bar and gives it to the octopus, which plays an amazing solo. Just then a Scotsman walks into the bar with a set of bagpipes. The octopus grabs the instrument and wrestles around with it on the ground, flailing about, making a horrible sound. The bartender says, "Hey, looks like he can't play that!" and the octopus says, "Play it? As soon as I get it's pajamas off, I'm gonna fuck it!"
How do you try to shout at someone On the Bottom of the ground?
"Hey Sir! Are you dead?'
When an emo kid jumps out of a tree, what happens when he hits the ground?
Nothin' much, he just flops over an hour later when they untie the rope.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because these jokes are not funny
Heres why the chicken crossed the road...
The chicken was on the run from a crazy-ass butcher ready to murder the poor thing, so the chicken crossed the road.The chicken was crossing the road, then a blind kid saw the chicken, and the kid was hit by a flying rock, his vision was blurred (what vision?) and was actually cured of the blind. The chicken ran and jumped into a truck's opening, and was never seen again... The kid got up from the ground and looked at the road, to see the chicken was not there, and said..." The chicken crossed the road...." The kid yelled at everyone about the chicken crossing the road, and got a lot of positive attention. Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and Reddit was full of the chicken nonsense, and gained widespread attention from N.A to Asia in only 1 day.
The butcher was arrested for the attempted murder of a joke animal, and was sentenced to over 20 years in solitary confinement, and a few weeks later, the sentence was moved to a life sentence, and the butcher became known as The ChicKiller.
The End (hope you enjoyed, i was bored so i made this shit...)
What hit the ground first the feather or the depressed kid? The feather, the rope was stopping the kid
Helicopters fly because they are so ugly that the ground pushes them away.
How do you communicate too the dead? Jump up and down on the ground and speak in morse code
short people tend to get angry easily....
cause there so close to the ground there anger dosent despite easily....
If you drop an emo and a piece of paper from a tree, which will hit the ground first?
The piece of paper because the rope will stop the emo.
What kind of coffee do they serve at funerals?
Burial grounds.
what do you call a cow that fell
ground beefffffff --- Aaron
r u a toaster? cuz i wanna take a bath wit u r u a knife? cuz u make me wanna kms r u a painting? cuz i hang u r u the flu? cuz u make me wanna hurl r u a newspaper? cuz u have new problems everyday r u the ground? cuz im six feet deep in u ;)
One day Billy cow wandered off to the railroad tracks where his mother always told him not to go. His mother asked him where he had gone when he got home. He replied that he was just going for a graze. His neighbor later told his mother he had saw him at the railroad tracks. What would you call Billy cow now?
Ground Beef
"Mine is 3 inches."
"That's not very lo..."
"From the ground."
What did the cat say to the jar of cookies
ground beef
I have a friend named Mole, She plays a game called "sandbox" to dig up dirt......
What falls and never gets hurt? Snow
"We've invented the spade!" "Oh wow, this is ground-breaking!"
Did you know that a lot of graves are put in churchyards? Yeah, they're pretty holey.
I think if the center of the earth froze, it'd be pretty hard core.
