I was reading a great book about an immortal cat the other day. It was impossible to put it down.
(BILL is sitting in the waiting room, fidgeting with his tie. MR. SMITH enters with a clipboard.)
MR. SMITH: (sternly) Good morning, Bill. Ready for your interview?
BILL: (nervously) Uh, yes, sir! I’ve prepared a lot for this!
MR. SMITH: (raising an eyebrow) Great! Let’s start with an easy question. Why do you want this job?
BILL: (confidently) Well, I want to help your company succeed! I believe in hard work and dedication!
MR. SMITH: (nods) Good to hear. Now, what’s your biggest weakness?
BILL: (eyes widening) I tend to be overly honest.
MR. SMITH: (leaning in) That’s not really a weakness.
BILL: (smirking) I don’t care what you think!
(MR. SMITH pauses, surprised, then bursts out laughing.)
MR. SMITH: (laughing) Okay, you’re hired! We need more honesty around here!
my grandpa was a great pilot. but he died. on September 11 2001
My great grandfather died in 9/11.
He was such a good pilot.
Official flag of Great Britain? The Union Jack Official flag of Australia? The Southern Cross Official flag of Canada? The Maple Leaf Official flag of Japan? The Sun Official flag of Orange County, California? The Nazi Symbol
My boyfriend always likes when I wear my fishnet sleeves. He says it looks great on me, but he doesn’t know that my skin is covered with scars... no one does. No one questions why I wear them everyday. I hope it stays like that because I can’t deal with my mom finding out that I still hurt myself.
Three ladies were on a flight when suddenly the captain announced, "Please prepare for a crash landing."
The first lady put on all her jewelry. Surprised by this, the other ladies questioned her actions. The first lady replied, "Well, when they come to rescue us they will see that I am rich and will rescue me first." The second lady, not wanting to be left behind, began to take off her top and bra. "Why are you doing that?" the other ladies questioned. "Well, when they come to rescue us, they will see my great tits and will take me first." The third lady who was African, not wanting to be outdone, took off her pants and panties. "Why are you doing that?" the other ladies questioned. "Well, they always search for the black box first."
Scientists say a banana a day is great for the colon.
But you gotta eat it!
Sex is like pizza.
When it’s hot, it’s great.
When it’s cold, it’s still pretty good.
A man goes to the doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world.
Doctor says: "Treatment is simple. The great clown - Pagliacci - is in town. Go see him. That should pick you up."
Man bursts into tears, says "But doctor... I am Pagliacci."
Why do asscheeks make great friends?
They always STICK TOGETHER
Why did the ass start a gardening service?
It was great at dropping SEEDS
Why do rappers make great fishermen?
They always have the best HOOKS.
Why don't rappers ever get LOST?
Because they always find their way with their GPS (Great Poetic Skills)
if a dog is white with black spots then it is 90% great and 10 % guilty because it half way starts crimes and is a mistake to the world and is punished by the white dogs that are full white and not mixed colors
Hugging Leo is a great way to commit suicide... you’d just drown in all her fatness.
Why was the rapper so good at math?
Because he had great FLOW-CULUS skills
What do you call a rapper who's also a MAGICIAN?
Eminem-o the Great
How are women like swimming pools?
They cost a great deal of money to maintain considering the time you spend inside
Imagine there's a funny joke here... imagined it? Great! Now check yourself into an insane asylum because you're schizophrenic.
