Good jokes
What's the only good thing about being an orphan?
All snacks are family sized!
Why do you joke about Helen Keller?
She was a good person, and she learned sign language and learned to talk. So why DO YOU MAKE FUN OF HER!
What a day yesterday was! I got a promotion, and my sister's killer was hit by a bus. Now I'm in a cast!
My kid runs in today to tell me that he found a floating cow, but when he got me to come and see, all I saw was a piñata with a tail and white spots. Such a stupid child. So after that I gave him a nice refreshing drink from the toilet and a few of those chocolate sprinkles. (: I'm such a good parent...
"Goodness, that's what Post Malone sounds like?"
"Give me some pre-Malone hip hop any day!"
Too good to be true.
Girls are like bacteria. The toxic ones are everywhere, and you have to take special care of the good ones.
1. My phone battery lasts longer than your relationships.
2. Oh, you’re talking to me? I thought you only talked behind my back.
3. My name must taste good because it’s always in your mouth.
You wonder where my dad is.
Meanwhile, Dad: It's good to be at milk island!
I rode to the bottle shop on my bike yesterday. I bought a whole bottle of wine and put it in the basket on the front of my bike.
Then I thought, if I fell off my bike on the way back home, it would smash and shatter. So I drank all the wine and threw away the bottle.
It was a good idea, because I fell off my bike about four times on the way back.
What does a man and a gay prostitute have in common with a physically handicapped bisexual man? All three of them are very good at sucking your dick.
Why do people use terms like "sucky" to mean that they don't like something?
If something "sucks," shouldn't that signify that it is at least good for one thing and will bring pleasure?
Why did the Orphan punch the other orphan?
Because the orphan broke his leg then had to get a retirement fund, so then he farted and got 1m dollars in cash, so then he started eating his toe jam and thought it tasted really good, so he started selling it to Taco Bell, then ate a cow. All the sudden he was attacked by hangry aliens then gave them some toe jam. They loved it, so they farted there way back up to space where they were eating Harold's fresh toe jam. It was so good, then one of the aliens ate there dog, so had to go the dollar tree to get it out then started gagging on one of the aliens' 2 meter defeater, and then the Orphan made out with the other Orphan and had a wedding at playground sharting happily ever after.
Why was the rapper always calm during storms?
Because he had a good FLOW.
People say killing two birds with one stone is a good thing, but when I did it, people just looked horrified.
1. Are you talking to me because I think you talked to my backside?
2. Your mom must taste good because it is always in your mouth.
3. My foot lasts longer than your life.
Coronavirus walks into a bar and tells the bartender, "Gimme a shot of whiskey, will ya?"
The bartender says, "Sorry. We don't serve viruses here."
Corona replies, "Well, you're not a very good host."
A boy is about to be sentenced for killing his parents. He begs the judge to spare his life. The judge asks for one good reason he should be shown any mercy. The boy replies, "I’m an orphan, your honor."
Mary's mother was a good person. Why did she die?
Because she got stabbed in the heart 60 times by a switchblade.
Why are Chinese so good at jaywalking? Cause they can't tell the difference between green and red light with their tiny eyes.
By the way, this isn't a joke or a poem. I just want to say, please check out Gwen's puns. They're good!