So a girl goes to Santa in the mall, and Santa asks what she would like for Christmas. So the kid says: “a little sister”. So then Santa says: “bring me your mother!”
a skeleton goes sky diving. doesn't come back in one piece
I don't think my gf likes it when I take my schizophrenia meds because she always goes away when I take them.
So I heard the CEO gave her daughter a really good spot in the company. Everyone is mad but I think it just goes to show that it pays to sleep with your boss.
Kid: what is the biggest mistake you made in your life. Parents: go look above the bathroom sink *kid goes and looks but then he reilises
A necrophiliac woman goes over to her friends house after hooking up. "Was it hung?" her friend asks. "No he was shot."
My dad just cums and goes.
What goes zzub-zzub ?
A bee flying backwards
What do skeletons hate the most about wind? Nothing, it goes right through them.
Yo mama is so fat, she goes to the beach to sell shade.
one day a priest loses his cock (chicken) he goes to the church and says "who has seen a cock" all the woman raised their hands "no who has seen a cock that is not theirs" half the woman's hands went up "NO NO NO who has seen my cock" all the nuns hands went up
(Set up joke for the actual joke) So why don’t blind people go sky diving? It scares the hell out of their seeing eye dog. (Actual joke) When does a blind person know when he’s about to hit the ground? The leash goes slack.
Apparently as a 4-year old, Hitler was saved from drowning in the river Passau by a local priest. Goes to show once more that a lot of problems would be solved if priests could just keep their hands off kids.
When the Boogey-man goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
What is the difference between the rook and the bishop? The rook goes straight, while the bishop moves diagonally.
Old man goes to the doctor. The doctor says "The test results are back, and I'm sad to say you have cancer and Alzheimer's.". The old man says "Phew! At least it's not cancer!"
Two hunters were walking through the forest one day. All of the sudden, one of them passes out. The other hunter panics and dials 911. The emergency responder says “911, whats your emergency?” The hunter replies “My friend just passed out and I don’t know what to do! I think he might be dead!” The emergency responder replies “Before you do anything, make sure he is dead.” The phone goes silent and then the responder hears a gunshot. The hunter gets back on the phone and says “Ok, now what?”
A woman goes into labor with her child. The doctor says that they have invented a new device to transfer the pain of child birth to the father. He asks if it is ok to use the new device. The couple agrees and so he turns the pain to the father to 10%. The man feels nothing. They then bump it up to 20%. He still feels nothing. They keep doing this until they have the machine up to 100%. The man still felt nothing so they go home happy, until they find the milkman dead on the porch.
What goes Snap Crackle and Pop? A neck
A girl and boy are in bed after sex. The boy goes “I can’t believe they got together after all that shit” girl says “who” boy goes “ my ass cheeks”
