There is no god. None, not one.
A depressed man has been thinking of killing himself and his friend says "Find God he'll help you!" and than the man said “There’s only one way to get to God and that is through Jesus. Have you, my friend, found him?”
Knock knock, who's there? God.
God who? NO, you idiot, there is no God. I am your father and you have locked me out of my own house!
God: I feel like I'm forgetting something... oh no, Earth! *sees it on fire* Oh, it's fine.
People of Earth: *running and screaming*
Santen: *to God* Really?
Me: Hey God, are you there? It's me, Michael.
God: *SILENCE*
Me: If any gods exist, they better say or do something this instant!
God: *SILENCE*
Yo mamma so fat, when God said, "Let there be light," he was just asking her to get out the way.
So I went up to a crying kid and asked where’s your mommy? God I love working at a orphanage.
Your hairline goes so far back that even God said, "I learned about it in my days."
What did God say when he made the Black human? Oh no, I burnt another one!
The only reason communism started was because God looked at your face.
God, I wish my grass was emo. So it will cut itself.
Women treat me like a god.
They ignore me till they need something.
I thought God didn't make mistakes, but then I saw your face.
Why did Technoblade die?
Because God wished him dead for all the orphans he made fun of.
What did God say to the black person?
"Oops, I burned one."😳
Not racist, just funny.
Your mom is so fat that when God said, "Let there be light," he asked your mom to move out of the way.
I'm not saying you're ugly, but you're the reason God created miscarriages!
Holy fucking shit, Addison, watersharky, Gwen, and all of you other cringelords, I swear to God if I hear one more thing about "please be kind, no bullying on the internet," I will actually shoot my local school.
You may not know, since you are only 8 years old or whatever, but the world is not kind. It’s full of sick people out to beat others, and the only way to stay safe is to beat them. So even if you think you are spreading kindness, it’s just gonna make you a target. So just stfu and keep your "please be kind" messages to yourselves.
Sister: Why does shampoo have directions?
Me: 'Cause God made you.
Little April was not the best student in Sunday school. Usually she slept through the class.
One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, “Tell me, April, who created the universe?” When April didn’t stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. “GOD ALMIGHTY!” shouted April and the teacher said, “Very good,” and April fell back asleep.
A while later the teacher asked April, “Who is our Lord and Savior?” But, April didn’t even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. “JESUS CHRIST!” shouted April and the teacher said, “very good,” and April fell back to sleep.
Then the teacher asked April a third question. “What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?” And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time April jumped up and shouted, “IF YOU STICK THAT F*****G THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I’LL BREAK IT IN HALF AND STICK IT UP YOUR ARSE!” The Teacher fainted.
