Two girls have a sleepover.
Karen: Let's go to bed.
Lauren: Fine, but it's early.
*Karen wakes up and exits room*
*Lauren hears noise*
Mikey: You're so much better than my girlfriend, Karen.
Lauren: *laughs*
Lauren: *remembers her boyfriend is Karen's brother, Mikey*
What did the cowboy say to the girl on the beach?
"Sandy cheeks."
Man: I know how to please a woman.
Woman: Then please leave me alone, you ugly two-faced hypocrite!
Man: I want to give myself to you.
Woman: Sorry, I don’t like ugly peasants.
Man: Your hair color is fabulous.
Woman: I hate your hair color, though.
Man: You look like a dream.
Woman: Then open your ugly eyes and stop sleeping, hypocrite!
Man: I can tell that you want me.
Woman: Yes, I want you dead.
R.I.P.
Man: Hey, baby, what’s your sign?
Woman: F*** you, pedophile!
Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services for pedophiles.
Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down, you little peasant.
Man: What’s it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar? Every other woman I see looks ugly. Bleuch!
Woman: How dare you!
Man: Haven’t I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yeah, that’s why I don’t go there anymore. I saw you playing with boxes in the store room and saying "I AM KING OF THE WORLD!"
Man: "I know how to please a woman." Woman: "Then please leave me alone."
Man: "I want to give myself to you." Woman: "Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts."
Man: "Your hair color is fabulous." Woman: "Thank you. It's on aisle three at the corner drug store."
Man: "You look like a dream." Woman: "Go back to sleep."
Man: "I can tell that you want me." Woman: "Yes, I want you to leave."
Man: "Hey, baby, what's your sign?" Woman: "Do not enter. -OR- Stop."
Man: "Your body is like a temple." Woman: "Sorry, there are no services today."
Man: "Is this seat empty?" Woman: "Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down."
Man: "What's it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar?" Woman: "I hate you."
Man: "Haven't I seen you someplace before?" Woman: "Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore."
A man with a gun and a sword walks into a bar, sees a girl, and falls in love with her.
Man: "Hey, you are one beautiful girl. Will you be my girlfriend?"
Girl: "No, because you have a gun and a sword."
Man: "But I am already in love with you."
And then the man leaves to get the girl flowers and candy.
The girl is glad that he has gone, until thirty minutes later, when he shows up again.
Man: "Here are some flowers for you, beautiful girl."
And the girl throws the flowers in his face, and then everyone in the bar laughs, even the bartender.
Man: "And here is some candy."
And the girl throws the candy in his face, and everyone in the bar laughs again, and some teenagers walking down the street see it as well, and then they start laughing too.
One of the teenagers says "Hahaha, that is so funny. Seeing a man give a girl candy, and the girl throwing it in his face to show him that she hates him."
Girl: "I hate you, ugly man!"
Man: "Bartender, can I get some candy for my girl?"
The bartender laughs when he hears that, and then he says "Are you crazy? We don't serve-"
And then the man shoots the bartender with his gun and stabs him with his sword. An old man walking down the street can't believe what he just saw, so he calls the police to arrest the man who killed the bartender.
999 Service Guy: "999, what's your emergency?"
Old man: "I just walked past a bar, and I saw a man shoot and stab the bartender. Can you please get the police to arrest him? Tell them he is the man with a gun and a sword in his bag."
999 Service Guy: "Okay, no worries."
1 Hour later, the first man tries to dance the tango with the girl, and the girl kicks him in the leg, and then he tries to kiss her, and she punches him in the face.
Guy sitting at a table in the bar: "That man is crazy. Trying to kiss a girl who hates him."
And the police show up.
First Policeman: "Which man has a gun and a sword in his bag?"
The girl points to the man and says "This man."
Second Policeman: "Let's arrest him."
Man: "No, wait! I can explain."
Third Policeman: "Get in the back of the car."
When the police get to the Police Station with the man, the first policeman says "You will stay in prison for 10 years."
One week later, the man breaks the bars and escapes prison.
The police see him and run after him.
Third Policeman: "Come back here!"
The man doesn't listen, and he keeps running, so the police shoot him and he dies.
And instead of saying rest in peace on his gravestone, it says rest in pieces.
What's the difference between a boy and girl? A boy always carries an average 5in "do not enter" sign.
Why can't a little girl fly? She doesn't have the proper motivation.
An ugly man with a gun walks into a bar. He sees a woman and falls in love with her.
Man: "Hey, cute lady!"
Woman: "Leave me alone, you ugly two-faced man! I already have a boyfriend."
Man: "Not for long!"
And then the man shoots the woman's boyfriend.
Woman: "How dare you murder such a beautiful man!"
Man: "Now you shall be my girlfriend."
Woman: "Never."
And then the man takes the seat that the woman's boyfriend was sitting in before.
Man: "You look like a dream."
Woman: "Then open up your ugly eyes and stop sleeping, murder."
Man: "What's it like being the most beautiful girl in the world, compared to all those ugly women? Bleuch!"
Woman: "What's it like being the ugliest mother f***ing murder in the world, compared to all those beautiful men?"
And then the man orders flowers and candy.
Bartender: "We don't serve flowers, or candy."
And the man shoots the bartender.
Another man can't believe what he just saw, so he strangles the first man and throws him out.
How did the skeleton win the girl? He was humerus.
Q: What did the little girl say to her leper daddy?
A: "Oops, I got your nose!"
A little girl and a little boy are taking a bath together when the little girl looks down and asks, "What's that?"
The little boy says, "That’s my little red race car."
Ten minutes later, the boy looks down and asks, "What's that?"
The little girl says, "That’s my little red race car garage."
So later that night, the little boy asks the little girl if he can put his little red race car in her little red race car garage. She said yes, and then they pull down their pants and the boy tries putting his little red race car in her garage, but it won’t fit.
Downstairs, the mother hears an ear-piercing scream and runs up the stairs, flips on the lights and sees blood on the floor. The mother asks, "What happened?"
The little girl says, "We tried putting his car in my garage and it wouldn’t fit, so I cut the back wheels off."
Boy: I'm dead.
Girl: Is that why you're so ugly?
Boy: No, I was just born this way.
My sister's boyfriend is mad because I fucked his girl.
One night, a girl said to her family, "Goodnight Mommy, Goodnight Daddy, Goodnight Grandma, Goodbye Grandpa." The next morning, her grandpa died. That night, she said, "Goodnight Mommy, Goodnight Daddy, Goodbye Grandma." The next morning, the grandma died. The dad started to fear for his life because he was next. That night, the girl said, "Goodnight Mommy, Goodbye Daddy." The next morning, the dad woke up and he was perfectly fine, but when he went into the kitchen, he saw his wife crying. When he asked her what's wrong, she said, "The mailman died."
One day there was a boy who needed the toilet, so he goes to his teacher and asks if he can go to the toilet. The teacher says "yes, but before you go, what are the first 3 letters in the alphabet?" The boy replies, "I don't know, miss..." The teacher says that he will have to wait.
Later, the boy goes home to his mom who is on the phone. He asks, "What is the first letter in the alphabet?" His mom says, "Oh, shut up!" So the boy goes to his dad who is playing darts and says, "What is the second letter in the alphabet?" His dad says "180!" So the boy goes to his sister who is playing with her Barbies. The boy asks, "What is the 3rd letter in the alphabet?" The sister says, "I'm a Barbie girl in a Barbie world!"
The next day, the boy goes to school and needs the toilet again, so he goes to ask if he can go, and the teacher says, "Yes, but before you go, what are the 3 letters in the alphabet?" The boy says, "Oh, shut up!" The teacher is angry about that, so she says, "What is the second one?" "180!" says the boy, and the teacher asks him where he is from, and the boy says, "I'm a Barbie girl in a Barbie world!"
The end.
We are drunk at the party. There was an ass-ton of drunk girls there with me.
I dated a German girl, it was very annoying when she kept on screaming her age and moaning.
A happy little girl was running on the grass. She saw two gay guys kissing in a blank space, and she started crying. The two gay guys heard her crying, and then they asked her: "Why are you crying?" The little girl answered: "This is the first time I see an unnatural nature."
😂😂😂😂
Say "I'm a man" after every sentence.
You walk into a bar. (I'm a man.) You find a girl. (I'm a man.) You take her home. (I'm a man.) She whispers in your ear. (I'm a man.)
A girl asks her Asian boyfriend if he wants to eat her pussy. He asks her why she is taking off her clothes, instead of cooking her cat.
