Girlfriend jokes
Bully: How is your girlfriend?
Me: I don't have one!
Bully: I know!
Me: How are your parents?
*Walks out of orphanage*
My girlfriend didn't bring me the sandwich, so I brought the gas.
What's the difference between kinky and perverted? Kinky is when you tickle your girlfriend with a feather, perverted is when you use the whole bird.
My girlfriend broke up with me today. Her mom had to take her to daycare. 😢😢😢
What do the twin towers and my ex-girlfriend have in common? They both went down on my dad.
What did the glove say to his girlfriend?
I glove you!
I don't need a girlfriend, 'cause I got my cousin, bro.
Why do orphans make the best girlfriends?
Because they don't need permission from their parents.
What's the difference between my girlfriend and my uncle?
My girlfriend didn't go to jail for loving me.
One time, a man got mad at me because I was hitting on his girlfriend. Like come on, man, it was only a couple of bruises!
School Bully: How's your girlfriend? Oh wait, you don't have any!
Me: How's your parents? Oh wait, you don't have any! *Continues to burn down orphanage*
Bully: How’s your girlfriend?
Kid: I don’t have one. How are your parents?
Bully: *cries*
Kid: *Walks out of the orphanage*
My girlfriend told me that she wonders what our kids will look like.
No, they will be wondering what I look like.
When you break up with your online girlfriend, and you hear your uncle crying in the other room.
Mom: Son, where are my condoms?
Son: What are condoms?
Dad: She puts it on me and the sandwich.
Son: Wait, why did my girlfriend come over and take one?
Dad: Um, I don't know, but go to bed.
Son: But it's 2:46pm in the afternoon, bruh.
A hobo couple is making out under a bridge.
The girlfriend goes: - Johnny, why is your dick so soft? - Flip me over, I’m trying to shit!
I have an awesome sex drive. My girlfriend lives 40 miles away.
A kid tell me he was gonna f**k my mom on Fortnite! So I told him I was gonna double pump his mom until she was wet like moisty meyers.
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Girlfriend: You remind me of a cell phone.
Girlfriend's ex: Why?
Girlfriend: Because you're about to die.
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