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What do Michael Jackson and an Xbox have in common?

They both get turned on by kids.

A depressed man has been thinking of killing himself, and his friend says, "Find Jesus instead, he'll help you!"

And then the man says, "It's pretty hard to 'get help' from something that doesn't exist."

The good thing about being gay in school is that you can be the best student and still get all the D's.

If you run next to a car, you get tired, but if you run behind it, you get exhausted.

I'll be here all week... sadly enough for you.

What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?

The apple always gets picked.

Yo mamma so fat, when God said, "Let there be light," he was just asking her to get out the way.

What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?

The apples get picked.