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What's better than having unprotected sex? Getting an abortion.
Yo mama's so fat, her belly button gets home 15 minutes before she does.
If you run next to a car, you get tired, but if you run behind it, you get exhausted.
I'll be here all week... sadly enough for you.
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple always gets picked.
Maybe if you get a better hairline, your dad will come back with the milk.
You're so black, when you get near the sun, we go into a solar eclipse.
Yo mamma so fat, when God said, "Let there be light," he was just asking her to get out the way.
What do hookers and porn stars have in common? They get paid for sex and get STD's.
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apples get picked.
"Hey, look, that plane is getting bigge-"
A guy and his girl just finished making love.
Just as they lay next to each other, the girl asks, "Have you thought about any baby names?"
The guy then takes his condom off and ties it, and says, "Well, probably David Copperfield, if he gets out of this!"
I was gonna walk up to an emo and say, "Do you get jealous when your phone dies?"
What is the difference between an orphan and an apple?
The apple gets picked!
How is sex like air?
It’s not a big deal unless you aren’t getting any.
What do a fat woman and bricks have in common? They both get laid by Mexicans.
Why are orphans bad at baseball?
'Cause they can’t get home.
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple gets picked.
Hey guys, it's Hailey here.
I'ma start off with henlo ;-;
I know you guys aren't going to believe me because of the assholes who were faking to be me, but if you can try to believe me, I'll explain.
So, Jake, we can't really be together anymore, since we no longer can chat. I'm so sorry.
Basically, my parents caught us on here as you realized. Yayyyy.
I don't have time to say anything else. So I've gotta go, but thankyou guys for everything you did for me.
Also, you won't get any response from me so yea. So sorry guys ;-;
What is the difference between an orphan and an apple?
The apple gets picked.
"Are you a bullet? Because I can't get you out of my head."
- JFK