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I gave an orphan 5 dollars and I said, "Spend it on a candy bar." I came back 5 minutes later and he didn't have a candy bar. So I look over and I see that he has a piggy bank that has 40 dollars and I said, "Where did you get that?" He said, "For being homeless," and I said, "What are you going to spend it on?" He looked at me and said, "I'm going to pay money for a mother."
When the school shooter gets killed and everyone is cheering, but you walk toward his gun; "I will finish what you started."
What did Santa Claus get Paris Hilton for Christmas?
He raped her.
Robber 1: *gets shot in ass*
Robber 2: You have to shit in a bag for life lol.
Robber 1: What, the Tesco or Asda one?
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What did one ghost say to the other?
"Get a life!"
What do you get if you cross an apple with a shellfish?
A crab apple!
Why do mostly younger orphans get adopted?
Because who wants a traffic an adult?
What's the difference between orphans and apples?
Apples get picked.
When the school shooter is getting roasted because of his Pokemon lunch box, but they don't know that there is a Glock 34 inside.
What is the difference between an orphan and an apple?
One gets picked.
My grandma always told my dad if a bird ever got in your house/truck, someone would die later that exact day.
She found out she had cancer. 11 months later, my grandpa died of a stroke. I hope to see them in heaven. I’d like to meet them. Pls comment good things. I really, really love them, even though I didn’t get to meet them. 😭😭😭
What starts with M and ends with carriage?
This joke never gets old, but then again neither does the baby.
What starts with "M" and ends in "arrige" and is a man's favorite thing?
Miscarriage, this joke never gets old, just like the baby.
How do you fit a baby into a shoebox?
A blender.
How do you get them out?
Tortilla chips.
You know that your grades are bad when you get a 66% on a test and your grade goes up.
Next time you get a call from anybody, say, "Hi, welcome to Dave's orphanage. You make them, we take them. How may I help you?"
Or,
"Hi, welcome to Pizza and Abortion clinic, your loss is our sauce!"
Before I die, I'm going to ask to be cremated.
Then I'm going to eat a bunch of popcorn kernels.
Then I'll die and get cremated. BOOM! I'm popcorn!
A man was walking with a young boy in the woods.
The boy looks at the man and says, "Mister, it's too dark and I'm getting scared."
The man replies with, "How do you think I feel? I have to come back alone!"
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because he wanted to get to the other side. LOL.