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Street

  • Here's what to do if an annoying person keeps talking to you. First, ignore them until they ask you if you're going to respond. Then ask them: if they were walking down the street and a rabid dog suddenly started barking at them, would they get on all fours and bark back? After that, continue to ignore them.

    Milk

  • Little Johnny: Hey, Dad, are you finally back with the milk?

    Dad: Yea, but it's expired, so I'm going back to the "milk store" and get more (and not come back for a couple more years). :)

    Orphan

  • Why can't an orphan get caught on the hub? They have no parents to catch them.

    Knock knock

  • Me: Knock knock.

    My sister: Who's there?

    Me: I eat mop.

    My sister: I eat mop who?

    My mind: I eat my poo.

    My sister getting it.

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  • Foreskin

  • Don't you just hate it when your grandmas always complaining about things getting stuck between her false teeth, like my foreskin?

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  • Hair

  • I was lying on the bed the other night and my missus was playing with my cock, trying to get it to go hard. She asked me what's the matter? I said, "I just don't find women without hair very attractive."

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  • Butt crack

  • A teacher walked up to me and said, "How did we get butt cracks?"

    I was like 4, so I said, "You had an earthquake on your booty."

    Bootylicious lol

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  • Orphan

  • A handicapped person and an orphan get into a fight. The orphan says, "At least I have two functional legs." The handicapped person says, "At least I have two functional parents."

    Bf

  • If I don't get a bf by the end of this month, Christmas lights won't be the only thing hanging from the roof.

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  • Mama

  • Your mama so fat when she sits on the toilet it sings, "ABC, 123, get your fat ass off of me!"