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What story does an orphan always get kicked out of? Home Depot.
Why are we still fighting in darkness?
"Mission failed, soldier, we will get 'em next time."
Why do orphans hate Costco? Because they can't get in and try the free samples.
Why did the woman get raped in the ass?
She assed for it.
Why do orphans like getting kidnapped? Because someone actually wants them. š¤£
Fella walks past a mental hospital; they're all out in the garden behind this big fence, all shouting "13, 13, 13, 13," etc., over and over again.
This fella is intrigued, sees a little hole in the fence, looks through it... gets fucking poked straight in the eye!
Then they all start singing, "14, 14, 14, 14, 14, 14!"
There is this fish, and this fish thinks if that fly drops 6 inches, Iām gonna jump out the water and eat that fucking fish!
Then there is a bear, he thinks if that fly drops six inches, that fish jumps up - Iām gonna run out there and eat that fucking fish!
This huntsman also thinks to himself š§ if that fly drops six inches, fish jumps up, bear runs out, eats the fish. Iām gonna shoot that fucking bear.
Unbelievably there is a tiny little brave mouse, who also thinks to himself š§ if that fly drops six inches, fish jumps, bear runs, huntsman shoots,
Heās bound to drop that cheese sandwich in his back pocket!!!!
Iām gonna eat that fucking cheese sandwich!!
Meanwhile...
thereās This cat!!!ā He sees whatās going on - if they fly drops six inches -the fish =bear =huntsman =mouse eating the cheese sarnie....
Easy pickings...
Anyway bang š„ the fly drops six inches. Fish jumps up. Bear grabs the fish. Huntsman shoots the fucking bear,
DROPS HIS CHEESE SARNIE!!
Cat runs after mouse trying to get the cheese sarnie
The cat slips over him (stacks it) cat falls in the river...
LONG STORY I KNOW BUT THE MORAL OF THE STORY IS...
every time a fly drops six inches a pussy get wet)
WALLOP... try remembering all that in A pub pissed. Xx
Hey guys! Ello here with an update!
I know I haven't been doing a lot of jokes lately, so I will make sure to do that, but I have something to say! I am going to Disneyland today!! So here is the plan. Today we are going to leave around 2 and go to Downtown Disney for dinner and check into our hotel and stuff like that. Then we are going to wake up bright and early tomorrow and go to Disneyland and stay 'til midnight, and then on Monday we are going to California Adventure! I am missing school on Monday! I'm so excited! And don't worry, I will make sure to tell you guys all about it when we get back. Love y'all!
Whatās the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple gets picked.
My dad went to get milk from Tescoās.
He never came back.
Q. If I go 1 on 1 with Harvey Weinstein, I won't get raped?
A. I'm not a 14-year-old girl.
What do you get when you mix a redneck and spicy food?
The worst shits you'll ever see!
Why did the dwarf get a job at Lidl?
Because every Lidl helps.
What is the difference between an orphan and an apple?
The apple gets picked.
You can understand depression if you are still in school and get bullied by bullies, punished by teachers, and scolded by parents for being that quiet kid who says nothing.
Dark humor is like parents, not everybody gets it.
Thereās this girl who gets bullied for being in a wheelchair.
Why donāt she stand up for herself?
What is the similarity between orphans and apples?
They both get thrown out.
Rachel won the lottery twice in two years. Her friend Jim called her every day asking for tips on winning, just the same. Then one day, simply to get rid of him, Rachel said, "Watch two martial arts movies, eat three pieces of hard beef jerky, and pick a fight at a bar."
Jim replied with a shocked look, "That's what I do after Mr. Tugman shakes my hand too long."
What did the orphan say to his dad last?
Please get non-fat milk!