Dad: I'll pay you 10 bucks for every day you don't tell a lie.
Next day:
Dad: Son, what's the ugliest thing you've ever seen?
Son: That ugly face of yours, go get a life, gosh, Dad, you're embarrassing.
The dad sulked for 3 whole years.
Proof that words really can hurt.
Why don't dwarfs have cars?
Because they can't get in the door.
Boy: "Why can't you get a family?"
Me: "Why can't you get a rope?"
Boy: "What do you mean?"
Friend and me: "We can show you."
Me: "I will tie the rope."
Friend: "I will push the chair."
Why can't orphans play Monopoly?
Because they never get a full house.
Was busy robbing a house as quietly as possible and saw a woman catching me in the act, decided to get her in on the act and gave away my location from the noise.
What do you call someone who hates rape jokes? An ugly feminist that couldn't get a cock in her mouth.
Women be like men should pay for first dates, then get mad when you do...
Women be like, "Porn is how we get money," then get angry when boys treat women like shit because they seen it on porn.
If you have an Autistic child, don't worry. Put your trust in God and pray it gets kidnapped.
"Knock, knock.""Who's there?""Not your dad."Random kid: "My dad went to get milk. My mom said he will be back soon."
My life is so meaningless that I committed a crime just to get shot. 0-0
This is not a joke; this is just about death...
Why do emos get discounts at every shop? Because they have barcodes on their wrists.
Can I get a Hoyah?
At the age of 100, you get a letter from the Queen. At 12, you get a DM from Prince Charles.
"Abortion jokes are like the babies; they never get old."
"Disease" technically means "lack of ease," so if a girl is hard to get, call her a disease.
That's what Elliot Rodger did.
I was walking down the streets of Manchester when suddenly I saw Penaldo getting arrested! I heard the officer say, “This time I give you warning, there will be no penalty.”
That’s when Penaldo asked, “No penalty?!” and punched the police officer.
Shame on you Penaldo!
What do you call a giraffe giving a blow job to another giraffe?
Getting neck!
When you turn 100, you get a letter from the Queen. When you turn 16, you get a DM from Prince Andrew.
How to get your joke on every category? Michael Jackson, towers, morbid, emo, school, short, penis, sects, little Jonny.
