Get jokes

I only seem to get sick on weekdays. I must have a weekend immune system.

How do you break up a fight between two gay men?

Say, "Can you get straight to the point?"

Q. What's the best part of living in Alabama?

A. Not having to change your last name when you get married.

What's the difference between a white woman and a tornado siren?

The tornado siren doesn't get raped.

Why do dwarfs do drugs?

To get high.

Roses are red, violets are blue. Get over here so I can fuck you.

I don't understand why people get offended by incest jokes; they're so family friendly.

Did you hear about the baby with cancer? It never gets old.

What’s the difference between women and cars?

At least cars retain some of their value after getting wrecked.

What does a bridge and a fat chick have in common?

They’ll eventually get laid by a Mexican.

How do you get a black girl to suck your meat?

Put barbecue sauce on it.

What does a pregnant slave and a payless sale have in common?

Buy one, get one free.

Boobs are like friends: you have big ones, small ones, real ones, fake ones, but they all get taken out by cancer.

Why do orphans like playing tennis so much?

Because it’s the only way they’ll ever get love.

Let's play carpenter. First, we'll get hammered, then I'll nail you.

Do you like soccer? My favorite player is Ronaldo, but we can still get Messi.

My girlfriend really wants me to get her pregnant so she would have a father figure in her life for once.

Joe Biden would’ve died in the Secret Service tackle. They would have been like, "Get down Mr. Presi-"

My girlfriend told me her lips were dry, and she had the audacity to get mad at me for telling her to walk.

Where do babies get baptized?

So the priest can wash their sex toys.