Get jokes
If I make you breakfast in bed, a simple 'thank you' is all I need.
Not all this 'How did you get in my house?' business.
What disease do you get from shoving a dirty, rusty piece of metal up your ass? Tetanus.
What is an example of poor management? A prostitute getting pregnant.
What does Michael Jackson say when he gets hard? Ow!
What's the difference between Santa Claus and Jews?
Santa Claus gets to leave the chimney alive.
What gets long when you put it, slides into holes, and likes to squeeze between boobs?
A seatbelt.
Why are people born in December, January, and February easy to get along with?
They're cool and chill.
What does one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? “If we don’t get some support, people will think we’re nuts.”
How can you tell if your husband is dead?
The sex is the same, but you get to use the remote.
When slave owners can't get a girlfriend, do they MASTERbate?
Why is it that every time I masturbate, things get out of hand?
No matter how lonely you get, you have Explain Bear.
Explain Bear is always there for you.
I'm okay with giving babies iPads, as long as the baby has anencephaly.
You can't get brain rot if you don't have a brain!
What’s a reverse exorcism?
It’s when the demon tells the priest to get out of the child.
There were four men eating dinner on the Titanic when it hit the iceberg.
The waiter said, "We have to get to the lifeboats!"
The teacher said, "What about the kids?"
The lawyer said, "Fuck the kids."
The priest said, "Do you think we'll have time?"
What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?
The apple gets picked.
How do you get a slag from Dundee pregnant?
Spunk in the gutter and let the flies do the work...
Why didn't Michael Jackson get away with messaging with kids? Because they were all juveniles.
I’d pound your mom so fast, even Sonic would get jealous!
I'm so jealous of babies with anencephaly.
They can eat all the ice cream they want and never get brain freezes.