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Q. What does Michael Jackson get his sex partners as a gift?
A. Crayons.
My wife and I watched the movie Indecent Proposal last night. Afterwards, I asked her if she'd sleep with Robert Redford for $1,000,000. She said, "Sure, but where am I gonna get that kind of money?"
One day, a father was showering, and his daughter ran into the bathroom while he was getting out and drying off.
The daughter curiously pointed to her father's penis and asked, "Daddy, when am I going to get one of those!?"
The father replied quickly, "In about 15 minutes, when your mother leaves for work."
What are Michael Jackson's favorite sodas? Yoo-hoo-hoo and Mountain Dew-hoo-hoo. What cola company should people get to keep him at bay? Pep-see-hee.
If a woman named Susan gets murdered, is it considered a Sue-icide?
Q. What does a slutty mermaid get? A. Crabs.
Why did Marxism never catch on in England?
Because then it would be impossible to get proper tea.
Q. What do you get when you cross Vince Li with a bus? A. A whole lot of people who wished they'd missed the bus that day.
What does Michael Jackson say when it gets hot?
He-he-eat!
Sometimes, you've got to specifically go out of your way to get into trouble. It's called fun.
When you accidentally make your joke too dirty and get in shit from Explain Bear.
If I make you breakfast in bed, a simple 'thank you' is all I need.
Not all this 'How did you get in my house?' business.
What disease do you get from shoving a dirty, rusty piece of metal up your ass? Tetanus.
What is an example of poor management? A prostitute getting pregnant.
What does Michael Jackson say when he gets hard? Ow!
What's the difference between Santa Claus and Jews?
Santa Claus gets to leave the chimney alive.
What gets long when you put it, slides into holes, and likes to squeeze between boobs?
A seatbelt.
Why are people born in December, January, and February easy to get along with?
They're cool and chill.
What does one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? “If we don’t get some support, people will think we’re nuts.”
How can you tell if your husband is dead?
The sex is the same, but you get to use the remote.