Funny jokes
What's the funniest thing you ever read? For me it was when Rapboat told me he was a legit rapper.
What were the emo kid's pronouns?
Was/were.
"If you can make them laugh and giggle, you can make their booty shake and jiggle."
What kind of animal makes a good bottle opener?
A male Duck on Viagra.
"Why did the band teacher get arrested?"
"For fingering a minor." Ahaha, so funny!
Dating 101:
Here's what you do:
1. Dinner. 2. Kiss. 3. Movie. 4. Sex. 5. Bring her back home. 6. Get paid 15 bucks for babysitting.
My last best man's speech was like the marriage--short, occasionally funny, and ultimately ruined by the bridesmaid.
What did Jessiey do?
Jump and make a explosionnnnnnnn, heyyyy gas!
What was so funnyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?
The bomb.
What type of game is Africa playing at the moment?
The Hunger Games!
What's the difference between a priest and a pimple?
A pimple will wait until you're 12 years old to come on your face.
This is a joke. Laugh now or else.
I told my dad that I wanted to go to a college with a 100% acceptance rate and a 50% graduation rate, and he said, "Your mom doesn't count as a college!"
Are you a lollipop? Because I can suck on you all day.
Are you an Oreo? Because I eat the cream first.
Are you a microwave? Because I’m trying to keep you quiet at 3:00 am.
Are you a sprinkler? Cause every time I see you I get wet.
Are you makeup? Cause I’d spend hours doing you.
Are you a guitar? Because I’d love to hear the noises you make when I play with you.
Are you an elevator? Cause I wanna ride you up and down.
Most restaurants are closed at night, but your legs aren’t.
I’m not a cashier, but you got a couple of things I wanna check out.
Are you Cinderella? Because I can see that dress coming off at midnight.
Are you a calendar? Because I want to pin you against the wall.
I don’t know what’s gotten into me lately, but I hope it’s you.
Are you a doughnut? Cause I wanna fill you with cream.
Are you a garden? Cause I want to plant some seeds inside of you.
Do you sing in the shower? Because if so, I need a private ticket of your concert.
Are your legs the twin towers? Because I’ll bomb what’s in between.
Are you a blanket? Because you’re on top of me every night.
Are you a phone? Cause I like to be on you 24/7.
Are you a roller coaster? Because the faster you go, the louder I scream.
I’m so jealous of your heart right now because it’s pounding inside of you and I’m not.
Are you a popsicle? Cause all I want to do is lick you up and down.
Are you a construction worker? Because you got me all bricked up.
Are you a fireman? Because you came in hot and left me wet.
Been learning Chinese...
69 is too-can-chew.
What do you call a guy in a wheelchair that lives with the royal family?
Rolls Royce.
The pinnacle of loyalty is that an ant married an elephant, and after he died, she spent her entire life burying him :)
Why did the AI go to school?
To upgrade from "Artificially Intelligent" to "Artificially Hilarious"!
Ha ha ha. It is so funny. I hope you enjoy, fellow humans.
I was at work and a few fat women came up to me and asked for some help.
Later that week, I ran into them on the dance floor. One of them asked me if I wanted to dance. I told her no. The other asked me if I knew what was cracking. I calmly said, "The floor."
Why is Peter Pan always flying? He Neverlands!
Where do sheep go to get their hair cut? The baa-baa shop.
Why did Adele cross the road? To sing, “Hello from the other side!”
How do trees access the internet? They log in.
Did you get them? Me neither. I mean, it is worst jokes ever. I'm kidding, I actually do understand them.