Funeral

Funeral Jokes

Crematorium

What’s the only plus for someone who burns to death?

They get a discount at the crematorium.

Kid

Did you see the dyslexic kid try to write down “funeral?”

No? Shame, it was real fun.

Man

Did you hear about the young man who brought floral arrangements in the shape of a life jacket on his friend’s funeral who drowned last week?

Everyone was furious, but he explained, “It’s what he would have wanted.”

Bar

Ted Bundy walks into a bar wearing all black. The bartender asks, “Whose funeral is it?”

Ted Bundy looks around the room and replies, “I haven’t decided yet.”

Drunk

What's the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral? One less drunk.

Boss

Attended my boss's funeral to pay my respects. On my way out, I leaned over his casket and whispered lightly, "Well, look who's thinking outside the box now."

Man

Why did the man miss the funeral?

He wasn’t a mourning person.

Cremation

When my Uncle Frank died, he wanted his cremations to be buried in his favorite beer mug.

His last wish was to be Frank in Stein.

Apple

An apple a day keeps the doctor away. Or at least it does if you throw it hard enough.

Why is it that if you donate a kidney, people love you? But if you donate five kidneys, they call the police.

My senior relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying things like, “You’ll be next!” They stopped once I started doing the same to them at funerals.

Suicide

My friend had one request for me before he committed suicide, and that was to play Van Halen’s “Jump” at his funeral.

Girl

I was at a funeral. I kissed a hot girl I did not know. She was the one that died.

Guy

What's the worst thing to say at a funeral? "Hi guys, welcome to my unboxing video!"

Family

When my family goes to weddings, my senior relatives tell me things like “You’re next!” So I started doing the same to them at funerals.

Woman

You don't want to know why it takes so long to put a dead woman in a mass-produced coffin in a pre-buried grave dug by machinery that is then filled by mourners.

Video

Today, I filmed an unboxing video at my friend's funeral.

His parents weren't too happy.