A man finds out his wife is cheating on him with his best friend, so he hires a hitman to shoot his wife in the head, and his friend in the balls. The hitman charges $100 per bullet. The man agrees.
Later, they set up, and the hitman looks through the scope and says, “I can save you $100!”
Bro my friend told me all his humour is dead and dry and i was like just like 911 victims.
what is the best whey to make friends with an America boy you bunch
Roses are red and violets are blue, my best friend is Sue, and she's is blue too.
(meaning sad)
Love is the best picture you can use to be able for her and I was able for her in the the best place for her and I have to be honest and a great team of the team and the way it goes is the first 4th year of my life in my life as a new 💕
Sayori: *dies* Monika: "You kinda left her hanging... 😊" MC: "😨"
My friend who is in a wheelchair told me a joke and i burst out laughing. I told him he should be a stand up comedian.
"Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven? You're adopted. Haley says she likes me more than you."
an adopted kid is walking to school when an emo kid aportes him hey says the emo kid do you have rope No replies the adopted kid Dang it i hate you says the emo kid "now the adopted one is angry" Well at least im loved says the adopted kid.
if you know a emo kid please stay away the depression is contagions I,m a survivor like if you dislike emos.
A penis has a bad life his neighbor is asshole and his friend is pussy and his owner beats him
My Bff: Hey do want any coffee Me: yeh, of course My Bff: ok which one Me: You know......the black one Me: like my soul... My Bff: jeez you ok
Roses are red, Violets are blue And if you're my friend I'll be there till the end
If I were an object in this world, I'd be a glass! Because if you leave me when I'm too close to the edge, I will likely shatter and break.
If I was a pizza topping, I would be pineapple! Because everybody doubts me.
I'm a star! Because one of these days, I'm going to crash and burn...
If I could choose what creature I come back as after I die, I'd be a panda, because people would give a shit if I went extinct.
I'm like the sun; I'm painful to look at.
If I was a food, I would be chopped liver because nobody likes me.
I'm like an eggshell... broken and empty.
If I was a mythical creature, I'd be a unicorn! Because nobody believes in me.
I'm like a flashlight with old batteries inside because my inner light died a long time ago.
My soul is a raisin because it's dried up, shriveled, and not everyone likes it.
I'm like the moon because you only get to see one side of me.
I'm like the moon because as the month progresses, my life becomes covered more and more by darkness.
I'm like an extremely powerful fan! Because I push everyone away.
I'm like a disposable camera! People use me once and then just throw me away.
I'm like a shitty book cover... because people think they have the right to judge and label me before they read my pages.
My brain and body is essentially a really old married couple that can't afford to go through with the divorce, and now they are stuck in a toxic relationship they are desperate to escape, but the more they try, the more they sink into the quicksand that is my depression and anxiety.
Help me....
There was a man he came home with his friends from the bar and man; was he ever wasted. Their friends made sure to get him home safely the next morning he woke up and found blood all over his night stand he called his friends and asked for his alarm clock back.
Guy #1 is being picked up by Guy #2 from the hospital. Guy #1: Oh man, I just got my prostate checked. It's not looking good. Guy #2: Why, what is it? Guy #1: Turns out, I have Prostate Cancer. Guy #2: Oh man that sucks... Guy #1: Yeah, it's a real pain in the ass!
People want to be nice to each other, because they only have one life, and they want to live it well.
Sucks to be them. I'm a cat.
WATS UP BITCHES MISS ME
All my friends live in a forest. its called Aokigahara
To Gwen and Freshfry: Hi Gwen and Freshfry, you have been so amazing to me and now to my sister. You are the people who I look up to. People are mean to us because I am adopted. Thank you for all of your support!
To Mr. Nice Guy, you are nice, sweet, and caring! I am so grateful to be your friend!
