Friendship

Friendship jokes

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Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He’s not breathing and his eyes are glazed.

The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911.

“I think my friend is dead!” he yells. “What can I do?”

The operator says, “Calm down. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”

There’s a silence, then a shot. Back on the phone, the guy says, “OK, now what?”

When your friend asks why you don't smile, then you look at them and realize no one is there because you have no friends. #my life

Person A: C'mon person B, just be happy, smile.

Person B: Over my dead body.

Person B: *gets the noose*

I was going to an expensive dinner with my friend's girlfriend because she really wanted to go, but he just got out of surgery, and he said take care of her, so I said, "Will do, bro. I’ll bring her back fuller than a topped-up water bottle."

This is an inside joke for my friend Caiden...

"Hey, where’d you get that paint from?" "Ha! Paint!"

Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jill could whack off Jack. Jill yelled out, "Jack, where is your sack?"

Said, "I'm not Jack, I'm your friend Nancy."

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    • Bob and Brad loved baseball. When Brad was dying, Bob asked Brad to see if there was baseball in heaven. Brad died, and two weeks later, Bob woke up to Brad's voice. Brad said, "I've got good news. They do have baseball in heaven. Bad news is that you're up to bat next."

    Why did your friend eat the burger?

    Because he wanted to murder all burgers and was starting with this one!

    Not really. He was just hungry.

    So, I was walking down the path of my life with Bigfoot, noticing the two pairs of footprints, mine and his.

    One day, I notice his prints are gone. I look up to him and say, "You had promised you would always be there for me. How is this possible?"

    He then looks me straight in the eyes and says, "Raw!"

    "Hi, Mrs. Jackson, can Matt come out and play?"

    "Oh, Johnny, you know Matt doesn't have any arms or legs."

    "I know, we just wanted to use him as third base."

    What did the orphan get for Christmas?

    Lego figures from his friend, but they ran away too.

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    • When your friend gets involved with someone, it affects the friendship. Whenever a friend of mine has a new girlfriend, we should say I looked like the person you used to know, but I've been modified to survive in this relationship. If we have an argument and she's there, I might disagree with you; I'd rather continue to see her naked.