Friendship jokes

My friends used to poke me at weddings and say, "You're next."

So I started poking them at funerals and saying, "You're next" to my friends.

What did the salad say to pineapple?

"Lettuce be friends."

A man named Icide ruined my life. I asked a friend if he would help me sue him. He said yes. But for some reason, he killed me.

All I wanted was for someone to help me sue Icide...

How did number 1 kindly make number 2?

I got my ass kicked, let's be friends?

How did number 1 kindly make number 2?

I got my was kicked, let's be friends?

I was talking to my Welsh friend the other day, and he suddenly started talking Welsh to me then collapsed after the first few sentences. Turns out he had a stroke.

What do you call it when a person with Down syndrome gets friendzoned?

Chromozoned.

Why did the skeleton want a friend?

Because she was feeling bonely.

I asked a Scottish friend of mine how many sexual partners he'd had. He started counting, but fell asleep.

Today my stoner friend used my to-do list as a blunt wrap.

He was high on my list of priorities.

I was very lonely so I bought some shares. -- It's nice to have a bit of company.