Friends Jokes

I bought a book for my blind friend :)

Me: I look up to you Friend: Wow, thanks! Me: But in general cuz your so tall

I bought my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday.

He said it was the most violent book he’s ever read.

Why did the skeleton want a friend? He was feeling BONELY

My friend entered a pun contest. He entered ten, figuring at least one of them would win, but no pun in ten did.

A depressed man buys a gun for suicide but then thinks "maybe i shouldn't be doing this" and asks a friend for help. He returns with a rope.

Me: Wanna hear a joke about my chin? Friend: Nah, dude. It'll be too long.

My friend was feeling low today so I went up to her and said "You know I would hang in there if I was you, swaying through life" I don't think she likes me now

My friends were worried that I was making suicide jokes so much, so I said "Don't worry, you won't have to hear them much longer."

Location is in London by the way. One day a fatass came home and told his friend that he lost money. His friend, "Oh for once you lost some pounds!"

Once upon a time, Bob was in his hospital bed, receiving medical treatment not that far after finding out he had cancer. One day, his friend Jeremy decided to visit him. Jeremy told his best buddy this very inspiring sentence: "Sometimes in life, you and your heart will climb tall peaking mountains, and low flat valleys, and all after that we'll be happy forever in heaven, eventually."

little did Bob know that Jeremy was talking about his heart monitor

I was talking to my welsh friend the other day and he suddenly started talking welsh to me then collapsed after the first few sentences. Turns out he had a stroke

Kid: "Hey, are you an orphan?" Friend: "Yeah, but you are too." Kid: "At least my parents wanted me."

my handicapped friend was getting bullied i said just stand up for your self

I was on the Oregon trail with my friend's brother carl. he got cholera, so we threw him off the wagon. when we came back, he was having a seizure and pooping uncontrollably. it was pretty cholerious.

so, a few hours ago my friend said i need to CUT it out with the s/h jokes...like...it's really not that deep?

I'm not racist, my best friends are black for halloween. :)

A couple is sitting down, holding hands, and having a picnic after their wedding when the husband's friend walks over and says,

"Jenny and Jonathan sittin in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First comes love, then comes marriage, the comes abrupt, tragic miscarriage! Then comes blame. Then comes despair, two hearts damaged, beyond repair. Johnathan leaves Jenny, and writes on the tree: D-I-V-O-R-C-E."