Friends jokes
Like this if you laughed.
These orphan jokes would leave them crying to their mommies if they had any.
I made a website for orphans. Unfortunately, it doesnât have a home page.
Why is it ok to hit an orphan? Itâs not like they can tell their parents.
Why did the orphan go to church? So he had someone to call Father.
Why do orphans love boomerangs? Because they come back. (Clearly someone didn't come back with the milk)
Why was the orphan so successful? When they told him go big or go home, he only had one option.
Whatâs the only advantage of being an orphan? Nobody makes jokes about yo mamma.
Hope you had fun reading this! My friend and I laughed reading all of em!
Me: *Meets girl, starts to form crush* Me after I get enough courage to talk to her: âAre you a casket lid because I want you on top of me?â
âWhat do you call my friend group?â âSuicide Squad.â
My friend said he wanted to die, and I told him not to jump. But when he screamed, "Hi, I'm Johnny Knoxville, and welcome to Jackass!" I knew it was over.
I canât watch anime anymore when my friendâs grandpa is in the house.
He hasnât heard a Japanese person scream since the war.
My friend told me to "hang on" when I told him I wanted to kill myself.
Buddy, Iâll be hanging for sure, just you wait.
Memes
who wouldnt?
I saw my friend hang themselves. My response was, I guess they wanted to hang with someone.
My friend group is pretty diverse. I'm Japanese, one friend is Filipino, one is American, one is Italian, and the last one is German.
Out of everyone in the friend group, the Filipino and the American were the quickest to feel uncomfortable when I asked, "Who wants to go on a march with me?"
What do you call a 5-year-old with no friends?
A Sandy Hook survivor.
My ex-wife was deaf. She left me for a deaf friend of hers.
To be honest, I should have seen the signs.
Birthdays are weird. We celebrate being one year closer to dying. And we celebrate it with friends and family, which is totally not how we'll die.
We're all gonna die alone, not surrounded by friends and family.
A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were all lost in the desert. They found a lamp and rubbed it. A genie popped out and granted them each one wish. The redhead wished to be back home. Poof! She was back home. The brunette wished to be at home with her family. Poof! She was back home with her family. The blonde said, "Awwww, I wish my friends were here."
I bought a book for my blind friend.
Two homeless alcoholics want to get drunk but don't have enough money for even the cheapest drinks in any bar. So one of them devises a clever plan: he tells his friend, "We should buy a hot-dog sausage with the last of our money and stick it down my pants, then drink a load of drinks. But then when the bill comes, you get down and suck on the hot-dog, and it'll look like you're sucking on my dick. So then we'll get thrown out without paying, and we can just go to another bar and do the same thing again."
His friend agrees, so they buy the hot-dog, stick it down the first dude's pants, go to the bar, and then the second dude begins to suck on the hot-dog as agreed. They are thrown out and hit another four bars this way. In the end, as they lie drunk on the floor in some alleyway, the second guy says, "Well, what a great night. Free beers in five different bars!" The first guy says, "Yeah! Especially since the hot-dog fell out before we even reached the first bar!"
I asked my North Korean friend how it is to live there.
He said he couldn't complain.
Me: I look up to you.
Friend: Wow, thanks!
Me: But in general cuz your so tall.
Friends: "You wanna hang with us?"
Me: "No, I wanna hang myself."
You learn from the best.
A depressed man buys a gun for suicide, but then thinks, "maybe I shouldn't be doing this," and asks a friend for help. He returns with a rope.
My friend entered a pun contest. He entered ten, figuring at least one of them would win, but no pun in ten did.
Friend: Stop with the self harm jokes, they're not funny.
Me: It's not that deep. I'll cut it out.
My friend was feeling low today, so I went up to her and said, "You know, I would hang in there if I was you, swaying through life." I don't think she likes me now.