Friends jokes

Me vs. the emo kid: we go to high-five a tree. I get a high five; the emo kid is left hanging.

My friend showed me his broken finger, and I said, "JESUS!" He said his name is Jake.

So, one day in 3rd grade, I was making this art piece and I was talking about my friend that was a boy that I have known for 5 years. But then, the other boy at my table named Coen Jones shouted, "NO! I'M THE ONLY BOYFRIEND YOU CAN HAVE!" As soon as I heard all that, the teacher and the rest of our class was shocked while our table was just laughing their butts off, but laughed so hard, I fell out of my chair!

A group of friends went outside to pick up stuff. One of the friends said, "It is windy as heck out!"

Me: What’s the definition of “ignorance”?

Friend: Don’t know?

Me: U STUPID!

When you tell your friend he’s a simp and isn’t offended, say it stands for sucking intensely at monkeys' penises.

I: "Get a boomerang."

Type: "Why?"

Me: "Because for frisbee, you need friends."

"Jack and Jill went home because he was sick because of the virus in town, gave him a frown, and his arms were pricked."

Gather 6 friends to play Russian roulette, and one's mind will be blown away.

I copied my friend's work. It's not like the teacher can tell my parents.

Your hair and your hairline must be best friends, 'cause they go waaaaay back!

My friend Andrew once told me that "weird is high and drunk at the same time."

I asked my orphan friend to come to my house. He said he was confused because he didn't know what that is.

My friend just told me about reverse exorcisms.

In these, the demon tells the priest to get out of the child.

A gay couple and a lesbian couple are going on a cruise. Who gets there first?

Obviously, the lesbian couple; they got their lickety-split. The gay couple was still packing their shit.

My disabled friend rolled into a burning orphanage and saved lots of kids. When he came out, the kids tried to play with him because his wheels were on fire. They called him Hot Wheels.

I'm Asian and there is a saying that dogs are man's best friends. They are my best friends because they keep me from starving.

Me: Bro, I don't think the Twin Towers will ever order pizza again.

Friend: Why?

Me: Because when they ordered pepperoni, all they got was plane.

Two sticks of butter walk into a butter bar. One says to the other, "Aren't you going to introduce me to your friends?" He replies, "Sure, dis my butter from another utter."

What did the piggy bank say to his piggy friend?

"Ain't you got no cents?"

Piggy: "Actually, no. Just pork."