Friends jokes

My friend is upset with me because I sniffed his grandmother's nickers. Not sure if it was because she was still wearing them or if it was because the whole family was watching. Either way, the rest of her funeral was really awkward.

I lost my black friend in the shadows. I lost my white friend on the wall. I lost my Asian friend in the sand and I lost my Islamic friend in the bombings.

Friend, your mum's fat.

Me: Well, your mum's so fat, she played pool with the planets.

So, there's Fred and Frank. Now, they've been friends for years, but Fred, see, he's depressed. Badly.

Either way, so F+F are texting each other, and here's how it goes: (this is my first joke, so please don't judge too harshly)

Frank: Yo

Fred: Hi...

Frank: U heard about de competition?

Fred: Yeah...

Frank: You wanna hang out?

Fred: .......

Frank: What? I've got some noose (news) for you.

Fred: ...I(

Frank: Fine.... I guess we need to think of a plan, though. We don't wanna be hanging on the end.

Fred: *sigh* You know....you really can't rope me into this competition.

What did the piggy bank say to his piggy friend?

"Ain't you got no cents?"

Piggy: "Actually, no. Just pork."

Yo mama so dumb, when I told her my blind friend couldn’t see, she said, “Open yo eyes!”

So, my dad was drinking, so he was drunk, and I was sad. But can you be my friend, please?

I hate it when ever I bring a girl over, my parents don't care, but when I bring one of my friends that's a boy, they're like, "Keep the door open," and I'm gay.

Why does an orphan like The Beatles? Because it's family friendly.

"We got a number one victory royale, yeah Fortnite we boutta get down! Get down! Ten kills on the board right now, just wiped out tomato town! My friend's gone down, I revived him now we're heading southbound! Now we're in the pleasant park street, look at the map, go to the marked sheet!"

My friend threw a soccer ball at a disabled kid.

We all yelled "Rocket league!"

"What do you do with your free time?"

"I stalk."

"Really? I enjoy walks in the park, going to the movies, and hanging out with friends."

"I know."

I thought when my friends called me curvy, it was a compliment, but it turns out they were referring to my spine.

My friend texted me and asked me, "Hey. What's your favorite emoji?"

I said, "😬😬😬😬😬😬😬"

She said, "Why?"

I said, "'Cause it's your twin."

All my friends live in a forest. It's called Aokigahara.

What is it that a 🤔 😳 👀 😕 physicality handicapped ♿ male prostitute can do on his own very well without getting any help from his male friends that are gay like himself?

Perform fellatio on a 👨 👨 👬 gay man.

To Mr. Nice Guy, you are nice, sweet, and caring! I am so grateful to be your friend!

I was once playing the bottle flip challenge on the school table with my friend, and when it was his turn, the bottle fell to his eggplant! 😱😂

I'm really bored. Can someone talk with me? None of my friends are responding to me :(

I told my friends that are gay that my hairline's straighter than he will ever be.