Friends jokes

You are recently injured because of your job as a driving instructor, so you couldn't go on vacation with your friends.

Your friends tell you that they have an Asian pilot.

You realize, "They have a -1% survival rate!"

I'm Asian and there is a saying that dogs are man's best friends. They are my best friends because they keep me from starving.

My friend is an amazing hacker. He cut down 23 trees already.

I told my friend that there was a tree. On that tree, there were four black chickens. I asked how many beaks do the chickens have. He said four.

Then I said there was a white cat. How many teeth does it have? He couldn't answer, so I said, "Looks like you know more about black cocks than white pussy."

How does a skeleton call his friends?

On the tele-bone!

My Chinese friend died recently, So Yung.

Bro, is your hairline and your forehead good friends because they go way back?

It’s important to establish a good vocabulary.

If I had known the difference between the words “antidote” and “anecdote,” one of my best friends would still be alive.

Qualification Check:

Single

Taken

Friended ✔

Wade, you're a joke. The worst joke.

Hoped this would be a safer, more fun place to talk to my BP friends, but I guess not.

I've also learned that some people think "worst jokes ever" = "terrible unfunny jokes that make light of people who died horribly or otherwise suffered" instead of things like "why did the chicken cross the road?"-type jokes.

Maybe I'm just too old at this point.

Imagine playing Subway Surfers in real life.

The creator's son tried that!

(My friends said to post this. I accept no responsibility.)

My parents told me that I should go hang with my friends and get out of the house.

So I called some of my friends and told them to meet me in the school yard. One said, "What tree?"

I replied, "You’ll know when you get here!"

My parents never said how they wanted us to hangout.

A man finds out his wife is cheating on him with his best friend, so he hires a hitman to shoot his wife in the head, and his friend in the balls. The hitman charges $100 per bullet. The man agrees.

Later, they set up, and the hitman looks through the scope and says, “I can save you $100!”

When your girlfriend says it is too small, you say, "Just enjoy the small thing."

My friend had one request for me before he committed suicide, and that was to play Van Halen’s “Jump” at his funeral.

I have some black friends who hate it when I say the N-word around them, so I got a pet monkey.

What kind of man would be a lesbian's best friend? A decimen.

What shoe shop would be a lesbian's best friend, decimen?

Son: Can I go to my friend's mum? Mum: No! Son: Dad was right, I am a son of a bitch! Mum: Bad news, but you're adopted!!

Are your forehead and hairline old friends because they go way back?