Friends jokes

My friend and I were at the mall and decided to try on some necklaces. He said, "I think you should get the one over there." I do. I look at my friend and he’s wearing one with a little extra length so you can adjust it. I asked him, "Did you just break away from your owner to upgrade to clothes and shoes?"

I called my guy friend a cock-sucker the other day. He replied with, "Hey, 20 bucks is 20 bucks."

I added Paul Walker on Xbox...

But he spends all his time on the dashboard.

I asked my friend, "Shouldn't we have 6 senses?"

He replied, "What is the 6th sense?"

"Common sense," I shot back while looking at the kid who was going to detention. "Never mind," I said.

POV: When the orphan kid goes to church and they have to swear on something.

The kid: "I swear on my... friends. Oh wait, I don't have any."

For my girlfriend and friends to chat :)

I asked my friend what the best gay joke is, and she said "You."

You are recently injured because of your job as a driving instructor, so you couldn't go on vacation with your friends.

Your friends tell you that they have an Asian pilot.

You realize, "They have a -1% survival rate!"

I'm Asian and there is a saying that dogs are man's best friends. They are my best friends because they keep me from starving.

My friend is an amazing hacker. He cut down 23 trees already.

I told my friend that there was a tree. On that tree, there were four black chickens. I asked how many beaks do the chickens have. He said four.

Then I said there was a white cat. How many teeth does it have? He couldn't answer, so I said, "Looks like you know more about black cocks than white pussy."

How does a skeleton call his friends?

On the tele-bone!

My Chinese friend died recently, So Yung.

Bro, is your hairline and your forehead good friends because they go way back?

It’s important to establish a good vocabulary.

If I had known the difference between the words “antidote” and “anecdote,” one of my best friends would still be alive.

Qualification Check:

Single

Taken

Friended ✔

Wade, you're a joke. The worst joke.

Hoped this would be a safer, more fun place to talk to my BP friends, but I guess not.

I've also learned that some people think "worst jokes ever" = "terrible unfunny jokes that make light of people who died horribly or otherwise suffered" instead of things like "why did the chicken cross the road?"-type jokes.

Maybe I'm just too old at this point.

Imagine playing Subway Surfers in real life.

The creator's son tried that!

(My friends said to post this. I accept no responsibility.)

My parents told me that I should go hang with my friends and get out of the house.

So I called some of my friends and told them to meet me in the school yard. One said, "What tree?"

I replied, "You’ll know when you get here!"

My parents never said how they wanted us to hangout.

A man finds out his wife is cheating on him with his best friend, so he hires a hitman to shoot his wife in the head, and his friend in the balls. The hitman charges $100 per bullet. The man agrees.

Later, they set up, and the hitman looks through the scope and says, “I can save you $100!”