Friends jokes

One day me and my friend Howard the duck went into the bar. I ordered a drink. Howard told the waiter to put it on his... BILL.

"Why did Susie fall off the swing?" "Because she had no arms."

"Why couldn’t she get up off the ground?" "Because she had no friends."

"Knock knock." "Who’s there?" "Not Susie, she’s still on the ground."

"Where did Susie go when the bomb went off?" "Everywhere."

"Why couldn’t Susie scratch her leg?" "Because it was in a different body bag."

"Why did Susie drop her ice cream?" "She was hit by a bus."

"Why did Susie fall off the swing?" "Someone threw a refrigerator at her."

  • 1

    • A group of friends went outside to pick up stuff. One of the friends said, "It is windy as heck out!"

    I caught my sister licking up and down and deep throating a banana. I said, "Why are you doing that for?" She replied, "I'm doing it for practice for your friends."

    Me: Have you ever went sky diving?

    Friend: No.

    Me: Well don't, it sucks.

    Friend: Why?

    Me: They gave me a parachute and I lived.

  • 2

    • My friend Nickiya wanted to know what animal she'd be. I said that she would be a "Ni-cat-a."

    My friend asks for a turkey burger on 4th of July. I say, "That's Thanksgiving, man!"

    A friend of mine chews gum, lays back to yawn, then chokes on the gum. Then I said, "God, what, you choking on dick?"

    So I went to my friend's funeral today. As we were all leaving, a kid put a "get well soon" card next to my friend's grave. 'Poor kid'.

    I told my friend that someone accused him of blowing dead bears. I said I defended him by responding that I saw 1 get up and walk away.

    My friend thinks he is funny.

    He told me that the only food that makes you cry is an onion, so I threw a coconut at him.

    When your friend gets involved with someone, it affects the friendship. Whenever a friend of mine has a new girlfriend, we should say I looked like the person you used to know, but I've been modified to survive in this relationship. If we have an argument and she's there, I might disagree with you; I'd rather continue to see her naked.

    Friends are very important. I have lots of friends in very high places. I hope the police can talk them down!