Found Jokes

A little girl said one day, "Grandma's gonna die tonight!" The next morning, the girl's grandmother's body was found.

That day she said again, "Grandpa's gonna die tonight!" Sure enough, the girl's grandfather died and his body was discovered the next morning.

That day she said, "Daddy's gonna die tonight." The girl's father was terrified. He lay shaking the entire night. Somehow, he survived until morning. His wife came into the room crying. He asked her why she was upset and she said that the postman had died last night.

Me and my friends were having a party the other day when some bitch came bitching about the noise. Thankfully, she was hot and had a nice ass, so it was enjoyable raping her.

The next day when I woke up, I found her body only half eaten. Her lower body was still intact, so I went for seconds to fuck off the hangover. Then I had breakfast. Her ass tasted good with some ketchup.

We just found out Grandpa is addicted to Viagra. No one is taking it harder than Grandma.

My son asked me how I'm so clean, "inside out." I told him because of bleach. The next day, I found him drinking the bleach.

I was hunting at night for deer, and then I found one and shot it. I realized the deer I shot was actually my ex...

what do orphans parents and nemo have in common? Neither can be found

What does Nemo have in common with my dad?

They both can't be found.

I was excited to finally watch the new documentary on Netflix. It was about Pessi’s UberEats career. In the trailer Pessi delivered food to French farmers. I watched the documentary and got shocked when I found out how finished Pessi is. He delivered one Pizza in 44 attempts.

Three men were lost in the desert and found a genie who granted each of them a wish.

The 1st man wished he was home with his family. The 2nd man wished he was home with his family, and the 3rd man wished they were all back together again.

Why wasn't the infant's entire body found?

Because the limbs are scattered around 43°17.7355’N, 113°58.4205’W.

I was working for Space X. I was instructed to control a satellite's orbit rotation when suddenly the screen went black. I investigated and found out one of Penaldos penalty had hit and destroyed the satellite. Shame on you Penaldo for ruining my dream job!

Did you hear they found a cure for autism? It's called Zyklon B.

Light it up blue 🔵

i was digging in a garden once a found a chest full of gold i wanted to show my wife but then i thought why i was digging in the first place

Little Sally found out that she had hair on her private area and went up to her mom and asked, "Mom, I have hair on my privates, what is it?"

"Oh honey, that's your monkey," the mom says.

So little Sally runs up to her big sister and says, "My monkey has hair on it!" So the sister replies with a laugh, "You think that's cool? My monkey is already eating bananas!"

My gardener found a dead body. Of the old gardener!

Once, my father came home and found me in front of a roaring fire.

That made my father very mad, as we didn't have a fireplace.

Good news, people! Michael Jackson is still alive. They found him hidden away in a goat pen with all the kids!

I was absolutely fuming when i found out my mate was rifling through my mums knicker draw

No one goes in there without my permission

Have you heard about the pedophile who was found guilty of robbery?

- He robbed children of their innocence.

What's the difference between Nemo and my dad?

Nemo was eventually found.