New Food Jokes - Page 101 - Worst Jokes Ever

What is an orphan and an apple?

They get picked.

- All over it like a fat kid on a cupcake.

- Giggling like a room full of fat kids.

- Drinking 8 cups of water a day seems impossible, but 8 beers and 3 shots in 3 hours goes down like a fat kid on a seesaw.

Just noticed something: all celebrities die badly except for Elvis. He had a relief after Taco Bell.

What does a pickle look like a p*nis?

Why do Vampires like virgins?

Because eating a sandwich would be so much more appealing knowing no one fucked it.

What do bees like with sushi?

Wasabee.

Men: "I like dogs."

Women: "I like cats."

Chinese: "Food is food."

If I was an object in this world, I’d be a glass! Because if you leave me when I’m too close to the edge, I will likely shatter and break.

If I was a pizza topping, I would be pineapple! Because everybody doubts me.

I’m a star! Because one of these days, I’m going to crash and burn...

If I could choose what creature I come back as after I die, I’d be a panda, because people would give a shit if I went extinct.

I’m like the sun; I’m painful to look at.

If I was a food, I would be chopped liver because nobody likes me.

I’m like an eggshell... broken and empty.

If I was a mythical creature, I’d be a unicorn! Because nobody believes in me.

I’m like a flashlight with old batteries inside because my inner light died a long time ago.

My soul is a raisin because it’s dried up, shriveled, and not everyone likes it.

I’m like the moon because you only get to see one side of me.

I’m like the moon because as the month progresses, my life becomes covered more and more by darkness.

I’m like an extremely powerful fan! Because I push everyone away.

I’m like a disposable camera! People use me once and then just throw me away.

I’m like a shitty book cover... because people think they have the right to judge and label me before they read my pages.

My brain and body is essentially a really old married couple that can’t afford to go through with the divorce, and now they are stuck in a toxic relationship they are desperate to escape, but the more they try, the more they sink into the quicksand that is my depression and anxiety.

Help me...

Why did the gum cross the road?

It was stuck to the chicken’s foot.

What is the cheapest meat?

"Deer balls," they're under a buck!

Man, I miss Savor, savor these balls in ya mouth!

What type of meat do priests eat on Good Friday? Nun.

Curry.

Don't make fun of fat people. They already have a lot on their plate.

Why were the Twin Towers mad? Because they ordered three pepperoni pizzas and one came plain, the other came late, and the other one went to the wrong address.