Flight jokes
Why did the plane crash?
Because it was being flown by a loaf of bread.
Helicopters fly because they are so ugly that the ground pushes them away.
911 jokes are just plane wrong, my dad was a great pilot you know.
This joke probably flew over people's heads, but for some people it flew into their head.
Moose jokes, why did the moose fly with an airplane? Because it was a skoose.
A redhead, a dark-haired woman, and a blonde walk into a bar and agree to fly to the sun!
The blonde states, "I agree, let's leave at night!"
Bald Eagle.
What is a magic school?
A school that can fly.
Give Kobe a plane ticket, he'll fly for the trip, but give Kobe a helicopter and he'll fly for the rest of his life.
I'M GOING TO HELL FOR THIS!!!
What kind of bagel can fly?
A plain.
What can fly?
Bird.
What do you call a kid with cancer walking through the airport?
•Terminal
Two guys are on a plane. One of the guys' name is Jack. The other is Peter.
Peter: "Hi Jack."
Flight Attendant: "You're going to hijack the plane?!?"
Jack: "No, my name is Ja-"
Flight Attendant: "Everybody stay calm! These two men are going to hijack the plane!"
Jack: "No, no. My name is Jack and my friend here is an idiot."
A guy sits at a bar in a skyscraper restaurant high above the city. He slams a shot of tequila, goes over to the window, and jumps out.
The guy sitting next to him can’t believe what he just saw. He’s more surprised when, 10 minutes later, the same guy walks back into the bar and sits down next to him.
The astonished onlooker asks, “How did you do that? I just saw you jump out the window, and we’re hundreds of feet above the ground!”
The jumper responds by slurring, “Well, I don’t get it either. I slam a shot of tequila, and when I jump out the window, the tequila makes me slow down right before I hit the ground. Watch.” He takes a shot, goes to the window, and jumps out.
The other guy runs to the window and watches as the guy falls to just above the sidewalk, slows down, and lands softly on his feet. A few minutes later, the jumper walks back into the bar.
The other guy has to try it, too, so he orders a shot of tequila. He slams it and jumps out the window. As he reaches the bottom, he doesn’t slow down at all. SPLAT!
The first guy orders another shot of tequila. The bartender shakes his head. “You’re really an a**hole when you’re drunk, Superman.” I know.
Why is Peter Pan always flying?
Because he Never lands.
When a plane is having turbulence, it’s just the pilot shaking the steering.
Give a man a plane ticket and he will fly for a day.
Push a man out of a plane and he will fly for the rest of his life.
People often ask me what I would do for a Klondike bar. Well, I'd straight up put 5 hijackers on Flight 175 before it departed from Logan Airport at 8:14 a.m. on September 11, 2001.
Do you know why Peter Pan is always flying?
Because he Neverlands!
My son always said he wanted to skydive, so we went on a plane, and mid-flight, we had to jump out. The only issue is we were on a commercial flight to Arizona.
- Why is that flight waiting at 30,000 feet height?
- One tire became flat. They are changing it in the middle of the journey.