Fired jokes
How many police officers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two: one to change the lightbulb, and the other to open fire while the room is dark.
Falco: Dreaming of a day when I don’t hear people say I’m a knockoff Fox, knockoff Fox.
Fox: Dreaming of a day when you die in a fire and I get all your aerial skills.
Falco: Wat...
How do rappers stay warm in the winter?
They drop FIRE TRACKS.
Why did the person get fired from the calendar factory?
Because they took a day off.
How did Pinocchio find out he was made of wood?
His hand caught on fire.
Did you hear about the fire at Noelle's place?
Her sister is a real Dess-ember!
The worst part about working for the department of unemployment is when you get fired, you still have to show up the next day.
Sometimes I think back on all the people I’ve lost and remember why I stopped being a tour guide.
Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.
You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving. You need a parachute to go skydiving twice.
My grandfather said my generation relies too much on the latest technology. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.
I’ll never forget my father’s last words to me just before he died: “Are you sure you fixed the brakes?”
Why'd Biden get fired from the supermarket?
He kept telling little kids they smell like freshly baked bread.
What do you call a gay person on fire? LGBBQ.
What do you call a disabled person on fire? Hot wheels.
What do you call an Asian person on fire? Vietnam.
How do rappers stay warm in the winter?
They spit HOT FIRE!
Why did the rapper wear sunglasses to the concert?
Because his lyrics were so fire, he needed protection!
How do rappers stay warm in the winter?
With their FIRE LYRICS!
Why did the rapper become a chef?
Because he wanted to cook up some FIRE BARS!
Why did Daveon get fired from his job at the orange juice factory? Because he couldn't concentrate.
Got fired from the bank yesterday.
They caught me drinking on the job.
What did the rapper say to the traffic jam?
"Move over, I'm about to drop some FIRE!"
Them: What's on your arm?
Me: I'm training to breathe fire ;)
Today in 3rd grade English, the teacher asked the kids a question, "What turns on when you take your clothes off?"
Little Elsa blushed and screamed, "You can't ask that!"
The English teacher repeats the question and Elsa screams, "I'll tell my parents on you and get you fired!"
Finally, Little Tim raises his hand, "The shower, ma'am."
The English teacher clapped her hands, "Good job, Tim, and as for you Elsa, you do not have the body for that."
The 6th-grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, “Which human body part increases to ten times its size when stimulated?”
No one answered until little Mary stood up and said, “You should not be asking sixth-graders a question like that! I’m going to tell my parents, and they will go and tell the principal, who will then fire you!”
Mrs. Parks ignored her and asked the question again, “Which body part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?”
Little Mary’s mouth fell open. Then she said to those around her, “Boy, is she going to get in big trouble!”
The teacher continued to ignore her and said to the class, “Anybody?”
Finally, Billy stood up, looked around nervously, and said, “The body part that increases 10 times its size when stimulated is the pupil of the eye.”
Mrs. Parks said, “Very good, Billy,” then turned to Mary and continued.
“As for you, young lady, I have three things to say: One, you have a dirty mind. Two, you didn’t read your homework. And three, one day you are going to be very, very disappointed.”