Q: What does a microwave and an M1 Garand have in common?
A: They both go “ping” when they’re done.
I don't wanna brag, but I finished a puzzle in under a week, and it said 2-4 years on the box.
As a lifelong farmer, I was excited that Ligue 1 was moving up the UEFA ranking toward an Industrial Revolution and I can finally leave the farm. Alas, Pessi joined and we went down a rank because he is so finished. Shame on you Pessi, now I have to go back to shoveling cow shit.
Finish the lyrics in the comments-
iTs CoRn!
Chris started to tell me a joke about a nut, but he couldn't finish it.
A Japanese man goes to the dentist. After being there for a while, the dentist asks, "How often do you floss your teeth?"
The Jap said, "After every meal." When they finish up, the dentist turns to him and says, "You need to floss your eyes more. I can still see them."
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?" The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?"
The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?" The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."
"Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
is google male or female female bausecuase it doenst let you finish a sentence before making a fruit joke
Mom:Dont forget to unload the dishwasher
Mom:did you finish ur homework?
Mom:We are going to ur grandmothers house for thanksgiving
Mom:Dad and i talked we are getting a new car next month
Son:u are?? oh my gosh thank you
Mom:No i was just making sure you were getting my texts
Son:that was cruel
I want to make a joke about old age, but I'm too senile to finish it.
Why couldn’t the peanut finish the project?
Work came to a grinding halt.
Hey guys, starting tomorrow, I will put one letter of the "doin your mom" song every day. Can I finish the song?
Also, I might be in Fortnite, hehehehehe.
Your mum is so fat, when I was driving I had to swerve to avoid [her]. By the time I had finished, I had ran out of gas.
Things said by racist aliens:
"Some of my best friends are Green."
"I just know that Orange guy stole my spaceship."
"You're very pretty for a Purple girl."
"We know you Tentacletians like to rape everyone with your tentacles!"
"Adax Hitao should have finished off you Bluish people."
"You 2-headed people are so stupid!"
"No Slimatians are allowed in this restaurant because of health codes."
"Get out of my store you grigger!"
"The Plu Plux Plum meeting is tonight! Let's burn some spaceships on the Greenies' lawns!"
Why didn’t Anne Frank just finish her diary?
Concentration problems.
A hitman walks into a bar and tells the bartender, "I'm here to assassinate John Tucker." The bartender replies, "He’s in the restroom." The hitman goes inside the restroom and comes out after 1 hour.
The bartender asks him, "Did you kill him?" The hitman replies with a sad face, “I asked him any last wishes and the guy asked me to allow him to finish his shit as he is half way in passing his stools, so I gave him my word that I would wait and so I waited for an hour, and when I asked him what’s taking him so long, he says he will not be able to finish because he is just getting started.”
[God creating Asians] “Alright, and the design is finished, see our new model, the Asian. It has no hair at all.”
Angel asks, “Does it eat normal food?”
God replies, “(chuckling) Oh no, not at all.”
Why couldn't the teddy bear finish his dessert?
He was stuffed.
How do gay guys finish prayer?
“GAYMEN!”
Whoever has my voodoo doll, can you just finish me off already?
